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6 Places You Don’t Want to be Seen On Snap Maps at 3 a.m. in Chicago

Snapchat’s arguably best/most creepy feature is Snap Maps, where all your friends can see your geographical location at any time. This is good for when your friend tells you she’s on her way but she’s still at her dick appointment, or when you need to see where your ex-boyfriend is at all times. While the opportunities are truly endless, Snap Maps can quickly betray. Here are six places you don’t want to be caught on Snap Maps at 3 a.m.:

6.) Cheesie’s Pub ‘n’ Grub:

When the night comes to a close there’s a good chance you’ll end up at Cheesie’s, so it’s not surprising when you’re found on Snap Maps shoving a ball of grease disguised as a sandwich down your throat. When you wake up and immediately have the shits (from beer and grease, don’t forget the 12 PBRs you smashed) you and the rest of the world have the receipts.

5.) The Stu:

Not a terrible place to be caught at on Snap Maps at 3AM, but still sad. You drained your meal plan buying three packs of Milano cookies and a tray of sushi, but more importantly, this means you didn’t go out for the night. Instead you watched Dirty Dancing and texted your old friends from high school. Pull it together and at least order a pizza and wallow with class.

4.) Lake Michigan:

Ending up in Lake Michigan either means you’re rich and have a boat, or you accidentally drowned while you drunkenly skinny dipping. We’re going to go with the latter. Accidents happen and honestly, it could be worse. At least if your friends find you here on Snap Maps they’ll be so overcome with grief they won’t realize how fucking stupid you were.

3.) L.A. Social:

Ending up at L.A. Social is a clear sign of the night surpassing its expiration time. Nobody wants to be there but they definitely don’t want to go home. If you get caught on Snap Maps at L.A. Social, everyone knows you ended the night throwing up in the back of an Uber or crying on a stranger’s stoop.

2.)  Illinois Masonic Hospital:

Boooooo you got transported! Didn’t you practice your sober-swipe-in-face in the mirror before you left the dorms? The only silver lining of this situation, which is expensive and embarrassing, is that you get a shoutout in The DePaulia as an unnamed student who was transported in the weekly crime reports. Nice.

1.) The Alley Between Arts and Letters and Sanctuary:

This is the most tragic outcome of all—it means you almost made it home, but not quite. While you could be zonked in the comforts of your lofted dorm bed, you passed out facedown in one of the most high traffic alleyways on campus. Someone is bound to find you in the wee hours of the morning and that’s a shame you’ll never be able to brush off.

Remember, no matter where you get caught on snapmaps, it’s better than going on ghost mode. Ghost mode is for snakes.

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