College is a rich, engaging time for much of America’s youth. You get to leave your sheltered home life and spring free from (almost) all parental control. It’s a great time to experiment with new books, your sexuality, philosophy, hallucinogenics… but most importantly, your political views. Most college campuses embody a pretty diverse political climate, but at DePaul, any political beliefs you may have held prior to coming here, have no real relevance, because to properly be a DePaul student means to fully submit yourself to leftist ideology. What must be done? It can be hard to decipher when exactly this indoctrination factory gets to you, so we put together a list of a few ways you know you’ve become a good for nothin’, charitable, bleeding heart DePaul liberal.
5.) Seminar on Multiculturalism changed your life:
DePaul has created a required course that teaches you about the importance of different cultural experiences and viewpoints: a.k.a. a required course on becoming liberal!! If you came to this class not caring about people who look like you then you probably left this class inspired to protest on campus and submit op-ed articles to The DePaulia. Great. Great work DePaul. It’s amazing what diverse viewpoints can do for us.
4.) Cool trends, man:
If you once dressed like a normie, backwards hats and, like sports clothes… all of that changed once you started class at DePaul. Fashion, art, and music play a large role in the culture of snowflake liberal DePaulians. The Birkenstocks, beanies, dispersed piercings and colored hair basically confirm that feminism and environmental sustainability are HELLA important topics. After you’ve committed to lung cancer via American Spirits, it’s time to throw all your shoes away and replace them with socks and Birks, download Mac DeMarco’s entire discography, and acquire a new wave feminism stick-n-poke tattoo.
3.) You recycle and went vegan for the environment:
When you got here you ate big red slab of steak paired with a tall glass of milk, the nectar of its youth. But then your roommate made you watch Food Inc. and What the Health. Now your friends hate going to eat with you at the Stu because all you complain about is the lack of vegan options. You even started researching ways to start composting in your dorm room and you’re a big supporter of the “too much trash started the Great Chicago Fire” theory. Look what you’ve done, DePaul!
2.) You love telling people how much weed you smoke:
It’s no secret that DePaul is home to some of the biggest stoners in the Midwest. The DePaul stoner is a unique, majestical being who believes in the power of natural herbs to reach a new level of open-minded thinking. Screw western medicine, screw corporations, light up some ganja, and forget about all of the chaos in the world. That sounds pretty
amazing liberal to us, but some liberals on campus can’t stop reminding us that they smoke weed. We get it Blake, you smoke weed, you don’t have to wear your Huf socks to class.
1.) You can’t wait to fight with your parents over the holidays:
Nothing excites a liberal college student quite like the prospect of going head-to-head in a battle of intelligence with their parents. While no DePaul liberal would actually disagree with their parents (they pay their rent after all) the idea of openly debating, excites them. The six week winter break gives you ample time to plan the perfect liberal vs. conservative blowout with your parents.
If you can relate, you’ve been brainwashed into DePaulian liberalism, which to be honest doesn’t mean much, since your parents are still paying your tuition. That’s right you guys, nothing matters. But hey, at least you care about the environment!
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