BREAKING: Construction workers on Sheffield are laying down bricks and bending over backwards to build a mural of your latest and greatest leaked nudes.
Yeah, we know about it. Your nudes. Let’s hash it out. So you took a picture of your naked self and sent it to some shithead that you met on Tinder or Grindr or Craigslist. Worse things have happened. Well, the secret’s out! Somehow that naked picture of your pretty little booty got into the hands of the DePaul administration.
It’s been a pretty tough year for all of DePaul. We’ve had the Milo incident, Holtschneider retired, and it was just announced the Red Line has bed bugs.
“We just need something to really liven up campus,” said a local DePaul authority. “The mood’s been pretty flaccid. We need an erect and gorging piecing of artwork to embody the type of mentality we hope to achieve.”
With the installation of the mural of your leaked nude, the heightened political tension and undying sense of depression that winter brings to Chicago seems to be getting a curtain call.
Newborn baby president, Dr. Esteban, commented on the matter. “We’re just looking to compete with the artistic value and intent of a school like Columbia,” said Esteban. “We think this mural of your leaked nude will be a great addition to campus – something that our students, faculty, and alumni can really relish in.”
According to local construction workers, the mural is breathtaking. In fact, the workers building the masterpiece keep getting distracted, and thus the construction is continually getting delayed. Authorities also say that the mural will be hand painted by local Chicago artists. Once construction is completed, DePaul will continue funding similar projects. Think of murals from Pilsen that are tainted with soul and heritage, only instead, it’s your breathtaking penis or boobs.
Although the bold addition to campus received some controversy, DePaul continues to defend its choice of making art out of your leaked nude. “I just think a giant painting of your breasts would be the perfect addition to DePaul. We need to embrace 2017 with a sense of plumpness and horniness. This mural will embody that,” said a DePaul professor.
A number of DePaul students commented on the matter.
“I just hope I can see the mural from my dorm. I need knew jacking-off material,” said a basketball player.
“Having a realistic and powerful piece of art around is an important aspect of a child-rearing neighborhood,” remarked a Lincoln Park mom.
“I think this is a terrible idea,” said a stupid freshman.
DePaul stated that they hope to have the mural completed by the start of Spring quarter. A grand opening ceremony has yet to be announced, although we have a slight hunch DePaul will call for a large celebration of your leaked nudes. Hopefully the mural is as graphic and detailed as can be. We can’t wait to see this gorgeous mural of your leaked nudes! Happy nudity!
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