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DePaul’s Sexy Kinks: RANKED AND EXPLAINED

A little known fact about DePaul University is that, despite its heavily Catholic background, it has a thriving BDSM community. Many DePaul students regularly engage in various kinks, bondage activities, and fetish play, both on and off campus. We at The Black Sheep sent our investigative journalists deep into this community, from the depths of the Berlin leather club off Belmont, to the sex pits of Monroe Hall . Based on their findings, here are the eight most popular kinks and fetishes at DePaul.

8.) Blue Demon Furries:
Some students here at DePaul are so enamored by our mascot, DIBS, that they find themselves engaging in furry play with each other as blue demons. For those of you who don’t know, a furry is someone who is interested in sexual roleplay as anthropomorphic animals. They often dress up in a fur suit vis-à-vis theme parks and bark or purr during sex. The “fursonas” of DePaul’s furries are almost always blue demons. This isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but furry play is nevertheless one of the most popular kinks at DePaul.

7.) Stushi:
As most students know, the Student Union at DePaul offers daily-made sushi as part of the meal plan. This sushi, though not completely horrible, is generally slightly greasy and looks just a little ominous on your plate. This unsettling quality has earned it the epitaph “stushi.” Coincidentally, stushi has also become the name of a sex act so profane that our editors are not allowing it to be transcribed in this article. If your partner asks you to “stush” them, don’t agree without knowing what you’re getting yourself into.

6.) Fisting:
Fisting is another popular activity at DePaul. It’s fun! Just don’t forget lube. Please. Take it from someone who knows.

5.) Father Holtschneider Roleplay:
For many DePaul Students, nothing is sexier than engaging in roleplay as a our former university president. The idea of a having sex with a priest and university president is just too tempting to resist. This kink is so widespread that many students can often hear “Yes, Daddy Holt! Ruin my pussy like you ruined your reputation by allowing a white nationalist to speak on campus!” emanating from dorm bedrooms. To spice things up, a third party might join in as St. Vincent DePaul himself. How erotic.

4.) SAC Pit Orgies:
Let’s just say that there’s a reason the cafe in the Schmitt Academic Center is called “the SAC Pit.” There’s not a surface in that place that hasn’t been touched by someone’s sack or pit. Every third Tuesday, a group of 50 or more students and faculty meet in the SAC Pit and have loud, wet orgies. The Bean stays open on these occasions in case participants need to rehydrate.

3.) STU Bathrooms:
Another common fetish activity at DePaul is public sex in the STU bathrooms. We’ve all had an experience where we walk calmly into a bathroom to take a nice long poop and someone in the next stall starts moaning about Father Holtschneider. It’s what gives DePaul its fun uniqueness.

2.) Mysterious Figures In Bird Masks:
This little-known DePaul kink is actually incredibly popular and very satisfying. Every full moon, a dozen people wearing bird masks like medicine men from medieval Europe gather on the Quad. Our investigator asked some of these men who they were or for the name of their organization. The men responded only with high-pitch humming. One of them ate some of the fallen leaves. Some DePaul students like to be spanked by these mysterious figures. Kinky!

1.) Father Holtschneider Sex Dungeon:
Before his resignation, Father Holtschneider actually had an elaborate Christian Grey-esque BDSM dungeon installed in his office. It is still available to be rented out by clubs and student organizations, but our next president might have it removed in favor of a more conventional office, so find time to use it while you still can!

This has been The Black Sheep’s guide to DePaul BDSM. Remember kids, consent is mandatory, and always establish a safeword with the mysterious birdmen of the Quad.

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