As an important and reliable news source on campus, we have taken it upon ourselves to share this story that we definitely didn’t write in an increasingly steamy Lincoln Park basement.
This is Esteban and Holtschneider: A Twist of Fates.
Father Dennis Holtschneider stumbled into what used to be office, a musky, but familiar scent filled the air.
“Oh, hold on one second, Dennis,” grunted President Esteban. “I’m just finishing up some business over here.” In one of Esteban’s hands laid a framed picture of Dennis’ late mother. In the other, the concealed outline of his pompous chode. Dennis watched passively.
“So, tell me again why you think you deserve your belongings back?” grumbled Esteban.
“Well, I was hoping that you might be able to look into the kindness of your-”
“The kindness of my heart? Spare me the tears, Dennis,” Esteban scowled.
Esteban pulled a large box from below his desk.
“Here, have your things back! You’ll find that I’ve already coated them… with my semen.”
Dennis looked into the box. His portrait of the Virgin was stained with unholy seed; his white priest collars now more of a cream color.
“Oh, don’t look so surprised, Dennis! We both know why you’re really here!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Esteban, I just came here to-”
“To do what? To do… this?”
Esteban pulled the belt from his pinstriped trousers, causing his pants to slide down his waist. Hanging out the fly of his briefs was an engorged chode. Maybe about four inches in length, but an entire five inch diameter.
“Esteban! I think you’ve got the wrong idea!” cried Dennis.
Dennis hesitantly examined the cock in front of him. It was much akin to the actor Danny Devito: short and thick. Esteban’s mangled pubes even resembled his hairdo. Dennis remembered his youth; he was always sexually aroused by DeVito’s portrayal of The Penguin from the 1980s Batman film.
“Well, maybe I could stay for a few minutes,” admitted Dennis
Dennis stepped towards Esteban. Esteban lured him through lust, just like Satan tempting Eve to eat the Forbidden Fruit. However, this was definitely not fruit. This was the rock hard cock of a 60 year old Filipino man.
“So, what are you going to do? Are you going to keep staring or serve your president?!”
Dennis plunged his holy mouth onto Esteban’s throbbing crucifix. The bitter taste pulled Dennis towards the base.
“Ah, oh my! You’re pretty good at this Dennis!”
For a priest in his mid 50s, Dennis Holtschneider gave head with prestige. President Esteban knew this very well
“Mm, you’ve proved yourself Dennis.”
Esteban stood up and pulled his briefs down. Leaning onto his desk, he pulled his ass apart, revealing a perfectly shaven hole.
“Onto the main course!” exclaimed Esteban.
Father Holtschneider now understood the appeal of Sodom. Pulling up his robe and down his lace panties, Dennis revealed his cock. Esteban could only look back at it with astonishment. There hung the largest penis he had ever seen.
“Oh, my!” gasped Esteban.
Dennis got down onto his knees and began to eat the ass of Esteban as if it were the bread of life. He slurped and licked, lubricating the opening and causing Esteban to giggle.
“Please, Dennis! Fuck me! I’m begging you!” pleaded Esteban.
Dennis removed his tongue from the presidential cavity and stared at the gaping hole in front of him. It was time.
Dennis pressed his member to the opening, and began to insert. Inch by inch, the cock made its way inside. Jesus’ suffering was nothing compared to what Esteban was experiencing. But with pain, came pleasure.
As a man in his mid 50s who had never ejaculated in his life, it was not surprising that Father Holtschneider came quickly. When he spurted his holy liquid inside the bowels of DePaul’s new president, Father Holtschneider knew that God was looking down at him, smiling.