Like the Greenpeace people who stand outside of Whole Foods during rush hour, your experiential learning class is just not going away anytime soon. You could put it off until the last quarter of your senior year, but you bet your ass you’re gonna engage in field-based studies for at least one quarter of your Vincentian educational experience. Only one person can pull you through this hell hole of a class, and he or she is an impossibly beautiful student suffering along with you in a class no one is excited to take. Here is a list of five possible suggestions for getting your crush’s attention in this unavoidably bogus excuse for class:
5.) Creep On Their D2L Profile:
The only reason you know of your crush’s existence in your online internship class is because you managed a glimpse of her profile picture on a discussion post you were turning in at 11:58 p.m. one night. No one will know that you’re looking until you drunkenly message her personal contact page confessing your love.
4.) Start an Argument in Your Peace and Social Justice Class:
Do you actually support Trump? Are you a DePaul College Republican? Probably not, but announcing it in the middle of your PAX 200 night class will for sure get your crush’s attention. Now you’re in. Sure you look like a crazy right-winged chalk thief starting trouble in your Peace and Social Justice class, but hey, at least she acknowledged your existence.
3.) Treat Your Crush to an Adventure:
Are you studying abroad in a country you know nothing about? Paris is a romantic city, right? If your group finds itself exploring the “city of lights” or any other exotic spot outside the greatest country in the world (U.S.A), try encouraging your crush to venture off the beaten path with you to experience a true immersion experience. Don’t bring a map either. Really immerse yourselves. At least then you’ll be able to tell the search party you enjoyed yourselves on the way to the nearest American embassy.
2.) Follow Him/Her to Every Single Volunteer Opportunity:
Figure out which organization your crush is volunteering for in your service learning class. Then, smoothly volunteer for the same organization. Finally, at the orientation session, very casually offer the same days of the week as your crush for your service hours. Done. You now have an open line of anonymous contact with your crush that will remain secret as long as you play it cool and don’t show off how crazy you really are.
1.) Design a Structure in their Honor:
If you happen to be in an Urban Planning domestic study, you may be tasked with designing a modern structure that would fit in well with the Chicago skyline or urban backdrop. It could be a building or maybe even a statue. The sky’s the limit for how many phallic symbols you could potentially dedicate to your crush in this creative final project. Slap St. Vincent’s face on it, and you’ll have a monument worthy of an education only an unavoidable, boring class can provide.
Unfortunately, there is absolutely no way you can get out of your junior year experiential learning class. Experiential learning classes can seem like the ultimate boner killer, but there are ways to get that special someone to notice you for the better. Besides, your crush is most likely just as miserable as you are.
Done moping over your sexless life? Our podcast will cheer you up!