Like most things in life – birthdays, showers, playgrounds – going to class is much more enjoyable while drunk. Sometimes, being drunk is the only way a 90-minute lecture is bearable. If you find yourself in need of a buzz, or have to keep up with your boozin’ friends while you’re stuck in a night class, here are the best places on campus to sneak a drink.
8.) In the bathroom:
This is the ultimate cop-out, but if you really need something to take the edge off, have anxiety about doing it in public, and don’t mind that you’re ingesting something while in the poop palace, then go right ahead. But seriously bro, take a risk once in awhile.
7.) Copy room in the library:
While there are plenty of ways to get lit in the lib, the one place to do it super discreetly is in the copy room. Just make sure nobody is having sex in there first…unless you’re into that.
6.) St. Vincent’s Circle:
Does anybody actually hang out here? Other than dealing with an occasional tour group, this spot is pretty much prime territory to get your drink on in the middle of your busy day. Nothing says “Vincentian Values” like pounding a Four Loko and asking the chiseled incarnation of St. Vincent, “What must be done?”
5.) The Loop Barnes & Noble Café:
Being drunk at the Barnes and Noble Café in the loop is pretty much the best way to fit in here. Business students are almost always nursing a buzz and the homeless people chilling there are more than likely drunker than you are.
4.) Literally in the middle of the SAC Pit:
Honestly, nobody would even notice if you cracked a cold one here, but if they did, I’m sure they wouldn’t blame you since you’re sitting in the actual center of materialized despair.
3.) 4th Floor of Arts and Letters:
A drink AND a view! This is almost as good as the Signature Room in the Hancock, except you’ll probably be wincing down Svedka from a water bottle instead of drinking a $20 cocktail.
2.) Demon Den:
The Demon Den is only good for a two things: watching sports by yourself alongside three other weird loners, and getting drunk. This spot gets a high rating on the list simply because whenever the drunk munchies hit, subpar food is only a few steps away. Just remember to look for semen before you sit, you filthy animals.
1.) Confessional in the church:
Since nobody on The Black Sheep staff has actually been inside the church, it’s hard to confirm if they actually have confessional there. But, needless to say, if they do, this is the perfect spot to sneak a drink. Jesus turned water into wine for a reason, so remember to pour one out for the OG homie.
There’s nothing that The Black Sheep knows better than drinking, so these are 100% verified secret-drink locations. Just remember to drink responsibly and practice your best sober face before attempting this.