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Vincentian Service Day Reminds DePaul Heathens They Attend a Catholic University

While DePaul seems like a polite Catholic school from the outside, many students quickly realize the true lack of godliness the university presents. It’s not abnormal for people to shy away from religion when they go to college, but because DePaul’s student body is such a lovely group of skeptical hipsters, it happens at an ALARMING RATE. 

This lack of Catholic upkeep is why DePaul students are so shocked every time any religious event rolls around. The recent Vincentian Service Day pulled many students back to Catholic reality (yikes) and was a wake-up call for some.

Kate Kaplan is pleased with the level of religiousness DePaul presents. “I was the only Jew at my high school. When I told my mom that I got into DePaul, she was afraid they would try to convert to Christianity,” Kate said. “I told her that if I wasn’t converted by the time I left Wheaton, there’s no chance I would be at DePaul, it’s in the city! Well, it turns out that Chicago isn’t as liberal as I thought, but DePaul is the nice kind of Christian where they just accept me. They also don’t tell me ‘Ya know Jesus was a Jew’ every time we talk about religion.”

Sean Piller was quite intrigued when he remembered DePaul was a Catholic institution. “Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. You’re right! I totally forgot about that. That’s why the Student Center was closed on Easter. I thought they were exterminating ants again so they had to shut the place down.”

When asked about his religious background, Sean stated he was raised Catholic, but now “praises the drug lords.” 

Some students were not surprised that the Catholic university has shied away from actual Catholicism.

“It seemed obvious that this was going to happen,” said sophomore Jay Penn. “Everyone I know was indoctrinated into a religion, or not religious at all. But we’ve also made a pact not to talk about politics for the sake of our friendship. Also, everyone around us was annoyed all the time when we did.”

DePaul is not the only school disillusioned into thinking acts of piety and charity automatically makes it a religious school. It’s well accompanied by thousands of schools no one has heard of or cares about. A lovely range of big Christian schools to tiny Muslim colleges you can find what you’re looking for. And it turns out not all of them are in the Midwest either! They have them in big cities. New York even. Dream big kid, and reject the bureaucratic sham that is organized religion.

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