1. Your ideal summertime date would be…
a) Basking in the sun all day, and staying out all night
b) Both of you forgetting to shower and eating Cheetos until your shirts are orange
c) Dinner and banana milkshakes
2. Choose the best comedian…
a) Present-day Adam Sandler (Yeah, Jack & Jill Adam Sandler)
b) That one guy spray-painted silver that acts like a robot on the streets
c) Anyone willing to mumble swear words at bros after Wine Night is a comedian to me
3. Which boyband gets you going?
a) News Kids on the Block
b) The Wanted
4. Which character from SpongeBob is your spirit animal?
b) Larry the Lobster
5. You find out you have a five-page paper on Shakespearean text due in the next thirty minutes, so you…
a) Write complete gibberish until you reach your word count
b) Write about your great college experience
c) Try your best
6. There is a bee the size of a melon flying around your friend’s head, so you…
b) Let it land on you
c) Shart as a clever distraction
7. You swipe right on your second cousin on Tinder and ended up matching with them, so you…
a) Delete Tinder immediately!
b) Try to justify that at least they’re not your first cousin
c) Now have a date at Olive Garden tomorrow
8. How many chains does Grammy-nominated rapper 2 Chainz wear…
a) Seven, obviously
b) Not enough
c) Two, I am 2 Chainz
1) A-1, B-2, C-3
2) A-3, B-1, C-2
3) A-1, B-2, C-3
4) A-1, B-3, C-2
5) A-2, B-1, C-3
6) A-3, B-1, C-2
7) A-3, B-1, C-2
8) A-2, B-1, C-3
8-13: Alma Will Do:
You enjoy stability, sturdiness and knowing that your partner will always be in the same spot whenever you need them. You like to come and go as you please, but you don’t like it when your partner leaves for years at a time. You’re looking for a Bonnie and Clyde type of relationship, except you will haul ass if things get tough or you’re late for class. Your partner is pretty photogenic though, everyone loves them!
14-19: Urinating, Homeless Man:
You’re unpredictable, you’re wild and the five-second rule can sometimes be extended to an hour. Most importantly, PDA and any other personal thing you enjoy doing behind closed doors is best done on a sunny day right after classes end. McDonald’s was the greatest restaurant ever created and long days spent there get you and your partner going.
20-24: Stay Single Forever:
Banana milkshakes are better than vanilla and you are actually trying to find someone to marry in the warmest months of the year instead of during cuddle weather. There’s no hope for you. You’re sensible and “boring” was the word that granted you the championship in the third grade spelling bee. Good luck finding someone who loves you other than that one cousin you’re not sure if you’re related to.