You can’t trust yourself to study without somehow messing it up. You need The Black Sheep to come in with our omnipotent wisdom and give you a hand. Worry not, pilgrim, we can be your guide dog into the world of studying that you have become blind to.
10.) Give All Distractions To A Friend: EVERYTHING. Cell phones, food, bracelets, food bracelets. Anything that would make your eyes wander. Give them to your roommate and make them hide it from you. Just try not to procrastinate even more by playing hide and seek with your now-hidden shit.
9.) Addy Up: Study drugs can help you beat the system by turning you into a mindless, twitchy study zombie. And honestly isn’t that the goal of any educational system?
8.) Start Early: Don’t wait until the night before like all the cool kids. It’s easy to ignore your professor/professional Mrs. Puff look-alike when they say it, but it’s pretty dank advice. It eases the stress of cramming and staves off cancer probably.
7.) Keep your Netflix to Lib Ratio Even: For every hour you’re binge-watching Sons of Anarchy, study for an hour. This may result in not sleeping until finals, but really isn’t that Netflix’s fault?
6.) Find a Good Study Spot: Whether it be a bar, an academic building, your dorm, the local high school. The smart money is on any spot where you can’t be disturbed; even better if no one can even find you. Because sometimes you may just want to give up on studying and live in your new, reclusive study spot.
5.) Laminate Study Materials: For the tears you will be crying because of the stress of knowing you’re going to fail. Plus wasting $1,000 laminating your mindless class doodles is the most pointless and thoughtless thing you can do with your time and money. This will prepare you for studying.
4.) Get Enough Sleep: Science says that every time you sleep with studying on the brain, your brain reviews that information for you while you sleep. You can ignore us, but you can’t ignore science. Study, sleep, study, sleep. Don’t do that shit in the morning before the test. We saw a whole Nova special about it so… yeah; we’re experts.
3.) Stay Hydrated: You’re going to need it because that IV of coffee that you have in your arm can make you thirsty. Everyone knows that knowledge is stored in the water cells in your body, that’s just chemistry 101. So… study in the pool or something.
2.) Go to Professor’s Office Hours: If you have questions about something go ask them. Or you can be really smart and beg for a huge curve on your final grade. You decide the path you want to take, we’ll be on the path with people who try to bribe their professors.
1.) Take Walks/Stretch: Relieve your stress by taking a casual stroll around the library, or to Brick. Wherever the wind takes you. Maybe getting a drink and having a good time is more important that a “grade” a “teacher” gives you. It’s not. But, you know, maybe…