The holidays are on the horizon and it’s good to know where you stand. Well, we here at The Black Sheep wanted to give a heads up to a few people at ECSU who are definitely running a good chance of being on Santa’s naughty list.
5.) Sandwich Sue:
Although her sweet personality and natural charm are the first thing that you experience, once you sit down with your sandwich or wrap, you immediately see that Sue’s got a hidden agenda. A mayo agenda. Sometimes she’ll ask if you want some mayo and you will respond with “no thank you.” This isn’t enough for her. Sue will smother whatever you ask for with mayo even if your sandwich doesn’t call for it. When you take that first bite, you get the grimy taste of mayo spreading through your entire mouth, and for that, SS is on SC’s naughty list.
4.) President Nunez:
This one’s a little controversial, because in reality Elsa has done literally nothing to deserve being on the naughty list… besides one thing, that lands her on the naughty list at least until 2020. In 2012 Elsa turned Eastern from one of the biggest party schools in the state, to a dry, well-policed campus ALL for the sake of federal funding. Santa wants Elsa to put aside her care for cheaper education so freshmen can experience Nautral Light.
3.) ECSU IT Staff:
These guys are the faces behind the shitty campus wifi and poorly timed Blackboard crashes. We can’t really get too mad at them because they always manage to get the internet back up and running within a few hours, but those few hours can make or break your day. Whether you’re working on your senior thesis, a Powerpoint about white privlege, or just flat out looking at porn in the library, it always seems that the Wifi will only go down when everyone on campus has an important essay due. If there was ever a time for conspiracies, it would be now.
2.) Willi Locals:
This was a close option for being the number one on the naughty list. You can always count on these guys to wake you up at 6:30 in the morning digging through dumpsters outside your window. Even though they technically aren’t a part of the university, they are an integral part of this community. Willi Locals are essentially Residents without having to pay tutition, which is pretty sweet if you think about it. They’re on our naughty list, but you, dear reader, will be ont he naughty list if you don’t donate a few of your sober hours to the many volunteer programs offered at ECSU.
1.) Willi the Warrior:
Where’s Willi been? Has anyone seen him? He’s been pretty quiet since his debut and subsequent brush with fame. Our guess is he’s gotten into drugs and gone down the dark path that fame can lead so many bright, up and coming stars. Willi, if you’re out there, you’re on Santa’s naughty list, and he’s going to find you.
Are you on Santa’s naughty list? No anyone else who is? Send them our way and we’ll add ’em to the list at @blacksheep_ECSU!