Report: 80% of Interns Are Typing Gibberish Into a Word Document To Look Busy

author-pic at Eastern Connecticut State  

As June rolls around, thousands of students across the country begin their internships at various companies that they blindly applied to off of LinkedIn and Indeed all year. Although the long Facebook post announcements student make about getting the internships make it seem like they’re doing something impressive, a new report published by the Pew Research Center suggests these students aren’t doing much at their new jobs.

“After observing and interviewing 2,000 interns at various companies across the country, we’ve found out that 80% of internships consist of the intern typing up complete nonsense into a blank Word document,” said researcher Sherry Jones. “They type frantically into the keyboard nine hours a day just to look busy and to avoid going on their 15th coffee run of the day.”

It’s tough to blame the unproductive interns on why they’re typing absolutely nothing into a Word document as they don’t have a true stake in the company or work they do.

“Why wouldn’t I write meaningless words all day? They aren’t paying me, I make copies all day and no one even knows my name,” said Doug Stevens, an UIUC student and intern at Smith Corporation. ”I’m too low on the totem pole to take on a real project since they don’t trust me with any responsibility, so all I’m good for is staying in the supply closet, which is my office, and type away.”

The supervisors of the busy interns are clueless about what their inferior colleagues are doing every day, but seem content with the work they were producing.

“Doug has been doing a great job, the kid really knows how to make a paper copy and get me my morning coffee,” said Mark Davis, Doug’s supervisor at Smith Corporation. “Although I was a little thrown off by his recent analysis report that was titled ‘Dasfuewrwerfdfsddfs,’ but you can’t expect too much from an intern these days.”

Unfortunately for interns, they have a long way to go until they’re back at school typing up gibberish for grades.