Alright, we all recognize the Noles are 1-2 right now, and it doesn’t help the raging anxiety or rising levels of alcoholism here in Tallahassee knowing there are Hurricanes coming. Most of Florida hasn’t even fully recovered from Irma, and although Tally was spared then (why though??), we’re not so sure we’ll be able to weather this storm. Here are ten things to do to brace yourselves for this incoming disturbance.
10.) Board up your windows:
Winds could possibly reach up to 90 m.p.h. this weekend with all the players running around. Go to the Home Depot on Capital Circle, purchase some plywood, and seal those suckers up.
9.) Purchase an ample amount of batteries:
Although everything you own runs on electricity, make sure to buy three packs of AAs for when the Jimbotron is on full brightness and sucks up all city’s the power.
8.) Fight someone over a case of bottled water:
Water is essential to life; without it, you are nothing. And this weekend especially, you need to stay hydrated.
7.) Buy as many candles as possible:
If your old-school flashlight doesn’t ship to your house quickly enough, at least you’ll have some source of light. These can also be used to summon spirits if you’re feeling frisky. It is October after all.
6.) Acquire a radio:
If the cable goes out due to bad weather, use a radio to stay up to date with the Canes.
5.) Stock up on first aid equipment and medications:
Xanax will come in handy.
4.) Fill a bathtub with water:
You may be thinking this is so you can bathe and flush your toilets if you lose water. Wrong. This is so you can submerge yourself post-invasion.
3.) Find and claim sandbags:
The Seminoles have been sandbagging themselves the whole season so it shouldn’t be too hard.
2.) Fill up on gas:
You don’t want to be stranded here after getting wrecked.
1.) Plan an evacuation route:
Tallahassee will get demolished if the Canes get hyped enough. Know an easy way out to avoid the damage and shame.
All we can do is prepare and hope for the best this Saturday, and if Tallahassee gets blown away, at least we’ll be drowning in our sorrows together. Stay safe out there, Noles, it’s gonna be a wild ride.
Listen to our podcast!