Now that Suwannee is undergoing renovation, you’re more or less stuck going to the Union if you want a place to eat on campus. Among the newest additions is the Community Table, a
sit-in fast-food restaurant complete with authentic, long lines and a classic anti-Flex-Bucks to Flex-Bucks-please semester switch-up. Unfortunately, the food sucks. But you’re not without options. Here are five tastier dumpsters to eat out of right on campus!:
5.) The Wildwood dumpster:
Vegans beware: Wildwood is nicknamed “the Wolfpack” for a good reason. At this dumpster, you can receive a piping-hot plate of well-seasoned rice and tender meat from some unidentified animal. While the food could be better, the Wildwood dumpster does provide comfortable seating right next to the kitchen. And it’s all for free.
The food at the apartment-style Ragans dumpster is served by the students who live there, so expect an entirely different flavor: the constant stress and paranoia of an FSU upperclassman. The unique blend of hopes and dreams with suffering and exhaustion provide an culinary experience like no other. Not only does this dumpster serve better food than Community Table, but it surpasses the quality of gourmet restaurants owned by the likes of Gordon Ramsay as well. Word on the street is this dump serves a pretty mean black bean burger, far superior to C*mmunity T*ble’s grilled veggie wrap.
3.) The dumpster behind 1851:
Don’t let the COOL pose distract you; this is one of the finest dumpsters in all of Tallahassee. Serving fresh, Pan-Asian scraps left over from Passport, nothing could possibly subtract from the taste… except the taste of another person’s saliva. Local food critics would probably give this joint 5-star ratings, so why shouldn’t you?
2.) The dumpster in front of Suwannee:
You might not have seen it with your eyes, but you’ve definitely smelled it with your nose when walking to the old dining hall. The rancid, hellish stench of partially-consumed and otherwise wasted food has the power to both ruin your appetite before your dining hall meal, and make you lose the lunch you just inhaled. Even still, you’re probably better off taking a dive in here than at the Community Table. You might even be able to find some tater tots from last semester.
1.) The dumpster behind Chik-fil-A:
Located just to the side of the Honors, Scholars and Fellows building, the final dumpster on the list is renowned for its excellent service. Unlike the other dumpsters, this one is protected by special gates, because FSU’s Chik-fil-A truly cares about customer safety. There is one caveat, however. This dumpster is closed on Sundays. And it doesn’t serve Chicken Mini’s. Two caveats.
Hope you’re hungry. Now that we’ve found you some tasty, clean places outside Community Table to grub, grab a friend or two and get diving.
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