Two weeks after the anticlimactic Hurricane Irma, FSU still has a surplus of food rations that are currently just sitting in John Thrasher’s office instead of being ravenously fought over like was expected. Here are five things that the administration should do with these boxes and boxes of uneaten snacks.
5.) Feed all the former Osceola mascots locked in Landis Hall basement:
As we all know, every person who has ever dawned the Osceola headdress is contractually obligated to be locked in the Landis Hall basement for the rest of the time they’re not assuming the role of FSU’s humble mascot. It would be a great way to kill two birds with one stone by getting rid of all the excess food while also stopping the haunting wailings that keep Landis residents up all night.
4.) See how many of the boxes Deondre Francois can juggle at a time:
We’ve seen him throw, but can he juggle? And if so, how many boxes can he juggle at once? Testing these possibly untapped skills will keep Deondre occupied while he’s out for the season. It’ll be nice for some snacks to keep him company too.
3.) Stack the boxes so we can finally get the FSU ultimate frisbee team’s frisbee off the roof of HCB:
The FSU Ultimate Frisbee team has faced many hardships since they had to disband when their only frisbee was haphazardly thrown on the roof of HCB last summer. This blunder cost the team the national championship, but if the administration acts fast they might still have a chance at this year’s regionals.
2.) Combine the contents with Coca-Cola to see if they’ll explode:
We all know how Mentos mixed with Coke can lead to a fizzy surprise, but what other foods can cause a can to explode with such force? We’ll never know until we take this to the lab with our unlimited amount of food to
waste experiment with. If we don’t go forward with this, then can we really call our university a “higher research institution”?
1.) Literal boxing:
The sad truth of the matter is that even if we successfully give away all the leftover rations, we’ll still be left with a bunch of empty boxes. Think of the rewards from all those box tops! In fact, there’s enough boxes left over to start a small boxing league– something that FSU has yet to benefit from. With these boxes FSU could start a boxing league, train 300+ members, and still have boxes left for the national championship tournament. A win-win scenario.
Of course these are just a few of the practical things FSU Administration can do with the leftover hurricane rations. Comment below how you’d use the remaining rations, but be warned comments that say “feed the homeless” will be immediately deleted.
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