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The 7 Dank, Dark Circles of Pot’s Purgatory

Tallahassee is never not poppin’. Each day of the week themed with a cutesy name like Make-out Mondays or White Trash Wednesdays that help you forget how hungover it’ll make you the next morning. But on Thursday night– the third best day of the week– all hell breaks loose at Pot’s Purgatory. With all of the rooms it can be easy for you to drunkenly wander into who knows where, and the shitty cell service will insure you never see your friends again. Purg will chew you up and spit you out whether you’re a freshman or senior. So here’s a guide to get you through it all.

The fucking line:
This is the first thing you have to get through if you want to get wasted on Pots’ unreasonably good deal. Recently, the line hasn’t been that bad since Pots is under construction, and a lot of people have opted to go to Clyde’s instead of navigating the sawdust maze at Purg. But if you do choose to go, beware of groups of 7-10 girls spotting one person they know in line and cutting everyone else. This happens about every five minutes.

The beer garden:
Aptly named, alcohol blooms like flowers in this dead backyard. Looking like Death’s garden, the whole place reeks of beer and is almost too big for its own good. Too little people and it’s awkward, too many and it loses its cool-kids-hangout charm. Probably best to avoid it entirely.

The shrub wall room:
This room is brand new and already a little too big for its britches. It’s Pots meets Recess meets pretentious coffee shop meets OLOs. Always way too packed, but probably one of the easiest places to get drinks since everyone’s too busy acting like hot shit in the booths to line up at the bar like common plebs. It’ll reel you in with its deceiving beauty.

The dance floor:
We don’t care what anyone says, this is the best place to be. It’s the place everyone ends up at one point or another, all mutually shaking their asses and chugging their drinks like it isn’t 70% seltzer water, 20% alcohol, and 10% flavor. Hell, they even sometimes let guys on the stage, which is usually a big Girls Only club. And when we say hell we mean it literally, because it always feels like 200 degrees out there.

The bathrooms:
Beware of these bathrooms if you have low self-esteem. The amount of pictures you can find in your phone with random girls here after a night out is more than the pictures you have with your actual friends. The last time we were in there, a girl grabbed us by the shoulders and shook me until we said we thought we looked good, then proceeded to have me hold all three of the drinks she was holding for her friends while she used the bathroom.

The deck:
The deck is a nice place to go to just chill. Take a deep breath in the icy air that will never leave this soulless town and just relax among the other degenerates that also chose to go out in the middle of the week. This will almost always be the place you will find your lost drunk friends, due to its closeness to the bathrooms.

The outside bar:
This is the first place you go after you finally emerge like a newly hatched chick from the mile-long line at the door. It’s easy to get stuck in the whirlwind of activity outside, since there are tables, a bar, and outside air all at once. But hey, it’s also the most boring place to be! Don’t let yourself get swallowed up here or you’ll stay forever.

If you’re going to spend your night at Purg, just make sure you know what you’re getting into. IT’S A LOT OKAY?!

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