It’s the most wonderful time of the year: health and safety inspection season! All students living on campus can be rest-assured that their living conditions are up to par by a group of people bursting into your room and snooping through your scary mess.
If you’re worried about getting written up or expelled or whatever, then you’ll need a clever place to hide your candles. This is a dry campus, and therefore a highly flammable one. Administration doesn’t want you to accidentally set DeGraff on fire, so here are some extremely smart places to hide your precious handles candles.
7.) An empty bottle of shampoo:
They’ll never think of looking here. Melt the wax of your favorite candle and pour it into an empty bottle of body wash. Comfortably whip it out at a party or at The Strip, and be comfortable knowing that nobody was able to confiscate your candle from you.
6.) Your septic tank:
Your life no longer has to be the only thing in the crapper. Hide all of your candles in what is actually the cleanest part of the toilet: the tank. Anybody who would think to look inside in the tank is probably weird, anyway. As an added bonus, you can freshen up the dank smell of your bathroom with the smell of your favorite candle. Mmmmm Fireball.
5.) In plain sight:
The best way to hide something is to hide it in plain sight. If you line your floor with candles, the inspectors won’t even think twice about them, instead mistaking them for decorations. Don’t worry about getting in trouble today.
4.) That bin where you store your excess toiletries:
Everyone has that one bin they open maybe once a month– where things like towels, soaps, and deodorants are stored. It’s so unsuspicious that the inspectors won’t even bother to open it half the time. Dump all the candles your 22-year-old big sister gave you here. Just don’t tell anybody.
3.) Under your FSU logo duvet:
Nothing shows school spirit quite like hiding banned items in your room. So why not hide your candle under your Seminoles™ bed set? Even Thrasher couldn’t be disappointed in you for that.
2.) Buried in the DeGraff courtyard:
Fortunately for you, the inspectors don’t have dogs, so you won’t have to worry about any hypersensitive noses sniffing out your underage candles. Just ask night staff for a shovel at 3 a.m. when no one is watching, and get digging. Not suspicious. Trust us.
1.) At the old Suwannee:
This is the smartest spot to hide anything. It’s closed down, so there are no inspectors regularly running through. Put a candle anywhere– the kitchen, the bathroom, the cash register, etc. Nobody will ever find your forbidden scents.
Don’t let dorm inspections get you down. Everybody burns “candles”, how else would they be able to bear with the scent of your roommate?
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