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9 Lies You Told Your Mom About Your First Year At Florida State

Remember your first year as a Nole? Your freshman year of college, and don’t say, “I was a junior by credits” no one likes that douchebag. We’re talking about your actual first year as a college student. FSU is home to some of the wildest college stories around the nation and when your mom asked you how your first year of college went…well what happens at FSU stays at FSU (unless you’re Jimbo Fisher). These are nine lies you told your mom about your first year at Florida State.

9.) You’re not having sex:
You want your mom to think that you’re still her innocent, sweet little baby and she wants to think that too, but let’s face it, she knows and you know she knows. You probably tell your mom you’re still a virgin, and honestly for some of you that isn’t even a lie.

8.) You have perfect attendance:
You are waking up early in the morning to haul your ass to HCB and you’re not sleeping in. And you and your friend are not alternating iclickers every day for attendance points. Yeah you’re definitely getting to all your classes.

7.) You don’t even like alcohol:
You totally didn’t use your fake ID at Pots every Friday, what even is happy hour? Is that like a study group or something? The only hangover you know about is when you hangover by Strozier to get some studying in.

6.) Strozier and Dirac are your homes away from home:
You probably tell your mom that you’re at the library so much you might as well be paying rent there, but in reality you only go on like the first Sunday of every month.

5.) The only thing you inhale is oxygen:
You hit the books, not the JUULs. You count grams for chem lab and even though this is Florida, there’s always snow around, but you know nothing about that of course. D.A.R.E. till you die.

4.) Everything is great and your life is not a mess:
Every time your mom gives you a call, you keep your cool. You’re happy with your major and you have a well thought-out plan as to what you’re going to do with your career. You don’t have mental breakdowns every time you check Canvas and totally overthink how your life is going to end up. Instead when your mom asks how schools going, you reply with a firm “good”.

3.) You’re not spending all your money on 2 a.m. meals at the Den on campus:
You’re smart with your money and you know how to invest it wisely and not spend it on foolish decisions like warm pancakes covered in syrup when you’re starving and drunk off your ass.

2.) You’re joining clubs and making new friends:
You hangout with people other than the same kids from your high school. At the involvement fair, you didn’t just sign up for all these cool clubs and then never show up to any of the meetings, right?

1.) That parking ticket like wasn’t even your fault:
FSU is infamous for its very limited parking scene and sometimes you just have to say “fuck it” and take that handicap spot.

Now we’re not saying that lying is okay, we’re just saying it’s sometimes better than telling the truth. Shout out to the guy who invented the lie, what a G. We love our mommas but sometimes we just have to tell them what they want to hear.

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