In a shocking turn of events, FSU’s best satirical publication The Black Sheep managed to publish this article about Solange before The Eggplant was able to. Last week the FSU Homecoming committee announced that Solange would be performing in November, an announcement that shook the foundation of everyone but the rare few still saying things like “all lives matter”.
The rivalry, which began in 1893, is one of the oldest on campus at Florida State University. History tells us that the original founding members of The Eggplant were out to eat with The Black Sheep, hypothesizing about the future and satirical blog publications place in the upcoming century.
“Yeah, according to meeting minutes from back in the day we were tight,” said TBS‘s Chief Campus Editor, Lauren Olster. “But then we got pretty braggy about writing an article about Solange first, so that’s our bad. But like, if we were able to predict something like that back in 1893, well, it’s clear who’s always been superior.”
Trouble indeed brewed that day. According to an anonymous writer for The Eggplant, this is the dooms day of collegiate satirical writing.
“The prophets have spoken and the time is upon us,” our anonymous source told us. “While we may not be able to strike first, we insist that we will strike in a manner that will demand the attention of every hungover college student browsing Facebook.”
When questioned more about these supposed “prophets”, our source began acting hesitantly and seemed as if they did not want to speak on the matter.
“Well prophets is more…listen, that’s not what’s important. So what if we have kept the original prophet eggs under a warm blanket for the last 100 plus years? Prophet eggs are the only way to tell the future. Crack one of them in the pan of prophecy and yolk will cook in a way that reveals the future. That’s actually how the found J.P. Buckerstaff came up with the name The Eggplant.”
While we can’t confirm or deny these delicate traditions, we can insist that here at The Black Sheep, we publish article very quickly. Very, very quickly.
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