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How to Celebrate Mardi Gras in Tally with Only $23 in Your Bank Account 

Fat Tuesday is upon us and unfortunately it falls on February 13th, or as many like to call it, Galentine’s Day. So while half the city gets wine-drunk and bloated from cheap Walgreens chocolate, the other half will be downing hurricanes like there’s no tomorrow. Only problem is, normal partying can get expensive, so how does one have a blackout good time for Mardi Gras on a budget? Easy.

The parade:
First thing’s first– Mardi Gras isn’t really Mardi Gras without the parade. And according to the internet, it doesn’t seem like there will be one in Tallahassee. So you’re going to have to wrangle up your three friends and hit Tennessee Street. If you look like you’re having enough fun, maybe [homeless] people will join in. If you have no friends, you can just stream the NOLA parade and have yourself a cute little sad party in bed. Either way, you won’t be paying for an Uber.

The apparel:
Next comes the traditional garb; beads and masks are a Mardis Gras staple. You can get a 6-count of bead necklaces from Party City on Apalachee for $3 along with a peacock masquerade mask for another $3. Then all you have to do is throw on some purple, green, or gold and get the liquor flowing.

The booze:
Speaking of alcohol, it’s pretty fucking pricey, especially if you’re trying to have an authentic New Orleans experience. You have to buy the hurricane glasses, the white rum, the dark rum, lemon juice, orange juice, grenadine, blah blah blah. No one has the time or money for all that bulldookie. You know what you do have time for? February Cider Night at Township. There will be $6 liters of all draft cider and $5 cider cocktails, so even if you have one of each, you’ll still have six bucks left in your sickeningly small budget.

The afterparty:
To top the night off, you can walk your broke ass on over to Krewe De Gras for their 9th annual Mardis Gras party. They’ll have live music from The Brown Goose Band (whoever the fuck that is) starting around 9 p.m. as well as outdoor festivities like carnival games with promos from Proof Brewing, Jack Daniels, Bacardi, and Grey Goose. Their event promises “plenty of drink features and specials,” so if you can’t find some way to get more alcohol with your remaining $6, then threaten to sue for false advertising.

Maybe if you try hard enough, you can make some money from this depressing-ass night and afford to buy yourself a Valentine the next day. Fingers crossed.

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