7 Ways To Drown Out Boys in Strozier Fighting for Daddy’s Attention
Club Stroz is always lit, whether it’s midterms week or just another ~manic~ Monday. If you’re there to actually study, you have to overcome the multitude of distractions and obstacles on every floor. That’s why The Black Sheep is here to help. Here are our top 7 methods to coping with the neglected frat boys in Stroz, who have been yelling for daddy’s attention since childhood.
7.) Ask Anderson Cooper To Study With You:
Cooper’s magnum opus, if you will, is silencing idiots. With his dreamy eyes and foxy charm, he’ll be sure to placate any frat boy with one look. You can expect the frat boy to whisper, “Daddy?” immediately after being pacified by the suave news anchor, but after that he should drift off into a deep sleep.
6.) Announce That You’re On Your Period:
This proclamation will affect the poorly raised frat boy in a myriad of ways. First, the color will drain from his face and his eyes will widen in horror, but most importantly, he will sit in stunned silence for the next few hours, unable to overcome the shock of your announcement.
5.) Listen To A Podcast:
Sure, it’s really hard to get any studying done with Guy Raz desperately trying to convince you why the sense of smell is interesting, but as the yelling frat boy would tell you, Strozier is more of like a social thing anyway.
4.) Bring A Southeast African Lion To Strozier:
This step will take some planning ahead, as you will have to acquire an emotional support prescription to bring the animal into Strozier. Once you have accomplished that, sit back and relax because this lion can be heard from up to five miles away, which will almost drown out the frat boy yelling that his Gen Psych teacher is a fucking bitch, which is why he has a 4% in the class.
3.) Watch Snap Stories From The Night Before On Full Volume:
Bonus points if the snap stories take place at Tabu, since the yells of hundreds of drunk, sweating college kids will often lull the offending frat boy into a dreamlike calm, and subdue his cries for attention for at least the next five minutes.
2.) Eat A Nature Valley Bar:
Fight annoying with annoying! Currently, there is no way known to man to open a Nature Valley Bar quietly, so don’t be afraid to get creative here!
1.) Brutally Murder Your Study Partner:
It may seem harsh, but the screams of a murder victim are typically one of the only noises that can combat the screams of the privileged. Plus, if you don’t think your Applied Statistics grade is worth killing in cold blood, school must not be a priority for you anyway.