Well Sheeple, the moment we’ve dreaded for my entire life has arrived. I’m 22.5 now. I must go.
I’ve stayed up for nights on end, mulling over the subject of my final article for The Black Sheep. I’ve pulled out over 300 coarse strands of my own salon-style hair deliberating how to approach the tone of this inevitable masterpiece. How can I capture everything I’m thinking, feeling, writing down, in mere words? My peers and mentors say it should come easy to me, as that is exactly what I’ve been doing for the majority of my college career. To that I say… be gentle with me.
My heart is enlarged, my vision is blurred, my toenails have grown so far inward I can feel them in the heel of my foot, and my armpits smell horrendous.
The Black Sheep has played an extraneous role in my life for the past three years. In fact, because of The Black Sheep, I have found my husband. And his name is Editing Listicles.
But of course, life is full of lugubrious journeys. Every journey has a beginning and an end, and we must wait, see, and hope that my newfound marriage ends only in death.
Now it is my time to step down from this incredibly powerful position as Chief Campus Editor and let a new lad in. A fresher face. For my last published piece on this hip, young, and funky website, I will leave my readers with some sage advice that I thought of myself. And that sage advice is baked ziti.
As we students loom ever closer toward the realms of adulthood, we should always have a simple baked ziti recipe on hand. For, you never know when you might need it. And thus, here it is, from me to you.
My legacy is not just for me, but for us all, to indulge in.
C’est la vie.
Chief Campus Editor Lauren Olster’s Legendary Baked Ziti Recipe:
-Boar’s Head muenster cheese, sliced
-Trader Joe’s alfredo sauce
-Nutritional yeast (optional)
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Also, cook the rice according to package instructions.
Poke at the cooked rice with a fork until it is so, so fluffy.
Microwave 7 cheese slices on a Styrofoam plate for 20 seconds. Meanwhile, spoon the rice into a greased casserole dish.
Pour approximately ½ the jar of Alfredo sauce over the rice, peel the melted cheese off the plate with your fingernails, set it atop the Alfredo rice until it covers the entirety of the casserole contents, and repeat. Alfredo, cheese, Alfredo, cheese.
Put the casserole in the oven for 8 minutes, or until the cheese is a dusty, golden brown.
Step 6 (optional):
Garnish with nutritional yeast flakes and serve soon. Your meal is now vegan.
Thank you and you’re welcome.
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