Home to roughly 40,000 students, FSU is a great place to let out your inner social crow. Of all the spots on campus, HCB, or Huge Classroom Building, seems to be the most commonly crossed path. In a dire effort to prove we understand Tallahassee’s collegiate zeitgeist, we at The Black Sheep have created a comprehensive list of the people we all become familiar with at this hub.
5.) Man Named Fork:
You definitely know this guy, very short, roughly four and a half feet tall, slender, eyes of a bird. You can usually find him peeking from behind pillars of HCB all day long. He’ll generally introduce himself by means of some hilarious prank like peeing in your backpack or snipping a piece of your hair off with pattern scissors- great stuff. Once you get to know him, he’s a blast and a half, always saying nice and friendly things like, “Hey when it gets dark later wanna go dance and stuff?” Your friends may not understand him and may say they’re worried about you because you’re spending all your time Forkin’, and they don’t know what you see in him but they’re just jealous and he’s only stoic around them because they scare him.
Everyone knows Gariss. She’s probably the most unfair person ever, and she somehow has every single class in HCB. Gariss is that girl that convinces all the other girls that you do a bunch of weird stuff, like suck the rosin off your cello bow and put toothpaste on the rim of your coffee. She’s a liar. The only rumor she’s spread that is even remotely true is you pee with your pants around your ankles, which really sucks because you’re working on getting better about that you know? Gariss is the worst and it sucks because so long as you frequent HCB, you cant avoid her harpy pageantry.
3.) The Sad Magician:
You know this guy when you see him; he’s hard to miss. He does a magic show at HCB every day around 7 p.m. that really never goes well, mostly because you can’t hear him over the skateboarders shredding benches. It usually starts with a few “tricks” that are mostly gag iPhone apps and ends in a screaming match between him and one of the skateboard boys. You can catch him moping around HCB, lamenting the previous night’s failed show.
2.) Man With Wet Hair:
This guy is by far the most comforting person in this list. He’s a father figure and an inspiration for a lot of people at FSU. He’s also the janitorial director of HCB. No one knows his name, but what we do know is that he likes to have his nice long jet black hair constantly dripping wet. He’s the type of guy that, if you’ve had a particularly rough day, will come up to you, give you a nice kiss on the forehead and let you see his reality. Dubbed as the Mrs. Killings of HCB, The Man With Wet Hair improves your day like no other.
1.) The Crow:
Few people in your life will have quite as big an impact on your character as The Crow will. She generally perches on that second story railing of HCB to greet you as you walk to class. The Crow is widely heralded as far and away the most important and influential person on campus. She flies with grace, caws with intent, and hops in a way that only a crow can. Feeling scared? Look up into the sky, Crow is there (caw)! Feeling nervous for that big exam? Check your backpack, Crow is there(caw). We live and die by The Crow.
These are just a few of the typical types of people you’ll meet at HCB. We should all strive every day to be as kind as The Man With Wet Hair, as passionate as The Sad Magician, as creative as Gariss, as free spirited as Fork, and as strong as The Crow.
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