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A Resume Template Every FSU Student Could Use

It’s that time of year again, when classes end and instead of professors getting on your ass about assignments, your mom gets onto you about “money” and a “summer job.” Looking back on your time at FSU, you realize you have no real skills or experience, but don’t fret. There are a few things every Seminole can put on a resume that will impress even the toughest of critics.  

[Street Address]— [TallaNASTY], [State] [Postal Code]
Phone: [Your Phone] — Fax: [Your Fax] — E-Mail: [Your E-Mail]

Education:

B.S.      Big college you’ve probably heard about on ESPN regarding crab legs & a traitorous ex-coach

Experience:

– Shot-gunned a Y-Bomb under extreme pressure in __ seconds

 

April 20 2017

– Got into a frat without knowing anyone there

 

March 2017

– Was drunk for ___ days straight and still functioned semi-properly

 

June – July 2016

– Featured on Old Row for _________________________________

 

February 2016

– Got into the bar when under 21

 

January 2015

Skills:
 – Squirrel calls
– Extreme bar-hopping
– Dodging homeless people sorry not sorry
– Stalking people in parking garages sorry not sorry

JuulingInterests:

– Laying pipe
– 2 for 1 margs
– Dartys
– Lululemon

Awards and Honors:

– Most Likely to Date a Convict – superlative award
– “Negative” – pregnancy test
– “Positive” – chlamydia (it’s curable!)

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