After an email warning professors of a bed bug infestation in FSU’s English building leaked, poetry TAs have been quick in their attempts to calm itchy students. According to the teaching assistants, the bed bugs were purposely released in Williams building classrooms to inspire unmotivated poetry students.
“They needed something to ignite the lights within them,” says Ph.D. candidate Jeff Chad about his Poetic Technique students. “If I can pass down anything I learned in my years as an English student, it’s that you can write about whatever you want, but it’s much easier when there’s something exciting happening.”
Most Williams-frequenting students and faculty are peeved by the spontaneous bed bug scheme, and worried that the fast-traveling bugs will latch onto them.
“It was an extremely irresponsible move in my opinion. My peers and I sit on the floor outside our classroom every day,” said editing, writing, and media sophomore Terra Ricotta, as a bed bug crawled over her crocheted satchel. “Now I feel super itchy, but I know it’s probably just me being paranoid.”
Poetry teachers insist that the bed bugs are pushing students to the borderlines of their abilities. In fact, here is a free-form draft from an immediately inspired, anonymous junior in Chad’s class:
Bed bugs oh bed bugs,
how you make me itchee,
reminds me of the time-
I had sex with Steve.
Ode to you,
Rihanna: “sex in the air”;
Cigarette smoke unfurling into the night
Bed bugs in the carpet about to take flight,
To find a new life
Where Steves won’t leave,
And act like they were never even
in your life;
Williams building is undergoing two rounds of treatment for the bugs so students can sleep easy, and poetry students can go back to writing about their sex fantasies.
Well, which is it?