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6 Things Your Marston Barista is Probably Online Shopping for While Burning Your Fucking Croissant

If you’ve ever walked out of Marston with a perfectly warmed croissant that wasn’t burnt to fucking hell, then congratulations, you’re one of the lucky ones. But you gotta give it to them, all the baristas have a very specific ~aesthetic~ to uphold to assure they look dope as fuck. So here’s some of the things your favs are scrolling through Urban’s website for instead of taking your croissant out of the fucking oven.

6.) Pastel Hair dye:

 

Keeping up rose gold hues is more stressful than making 15 double espresso shots with extra whip. And we all know letting your roommate dye your hair in the Beaty Towers bathroom is already stressful enough. Finding the perfect dye is essential to the process.

5.) Doc Martens:

Do you even know how hard it is to break in a pair of these leathery bad boys?? You need to appreciate the blistering pain these guys go through walking from Marston to West when they run out of ice and need to get more. They do it so that we can appreciate it.

4.) Fake glasses:

So you’re telling me every Starbucks employee can’t see??? EVERY single one of them just coincidentally has a pair of clear frames?? We’re calling bullshit.

3.) The perfect pins for their hat:

You can’t rely on UF to give out dope pins once a semester. Etsy stores sell out of novelty Gators pins so quickly! If they don’t get em’ while they’re hot, they’ll end up with a plain ass hat and be lame. That’s not okay. Take one for the team so they can be the dopest person on their team.

2.) ~*REAL*~ coffee:

We all know y’all don’t drink Starbucks. You’re connoisseurs of genuine coffee. That means hitting up all those crafty websites and getting custom blends that we plebs will never be able to understand.

1.) A will to live:
If you were getting yelled at by juniors-by-credit all day, and asked 15 dumb questions in a row you’d be needing one of these too. The glazed over look in the barista’s eyes doesn’t go unnoticed, and for the sake of our strawberry green tea infusion addiction, we hope they find one.

To the baristas of Marston, y’all are fashionable as fuck. That one girl that always has poppin’ highlight, the guy who has better hair than any sorostitute, you just kill the game on campus, and we can accept a few burnt croissants if that’s that it means.

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