UF Dance Marathon is, well, huge – and for good reason. The organization and all of its participants work hard at promoting the event all year and the time finally came. If you participated in DM, here are the seven things you probably, kinda totally did for donations:
7.) Aggressively (while, at the same time, incredibly underhandedly) asked everyone and their moms if you could Venmo request them:
Everyone repeat after us: Can I Venmo request you $2? “Duh!” “Make it $3!”
6.) Turned your scooter into a two star Uber:
Rides for the kids! Here is a little unknown fact, if the rides are FTK then the gas used doesn’t actually harm the environment… it actually turns into a gas that makes trees grow. Where do you think the late New Physics Building tree (R.I.P.) came from?
5.) Sold half your closet:
We’d rather go naked than not sell old frat shirts for DM donations. It’s actually a lot like PETA, but ya know, not.
4.) Became a personal bitch:
Listen, a donation is a donation no matter how low you stooped to get it. So maybe you had to go to your friend’s lab to sign in for her because she was too hungover from one too many Fat’s loadeds? Who needs dignity?
3.) Stole a hair off President Fuchs’s head and sold it at auction:
Don’t judge. People pay big money for any piece of Fuchs. Have you not seen that glorious head of silver hair?
2.) Sold your body (and/or body parts):
Your body, your choice.
1.) Ridiculed yourself at the highest, most public level possible:
We all saw the embarrassing awkward stage posts. We all laughed. Nothing makes people happier than embarrassing their friends. For only a few dollars, DM participants exposed their darkest, most rawr xD throwbacks on all social media.
These are only a few of the crazy ways people raised money for the kids. All of their efforts paid off! DM at UF raised $3,026,420.19. After all, if you’re not for the kids, who the fuck are you for?
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