7 Things Only That 1 College Student Who Knows How To File Taxes Will Understand

author-pic at University of Florida  

Tax Day, next to Flag Day, is the jolliest day of the year for millions of Americans. Who doesn’t love filing a good ol’ W-2, a mouth-watering 1099 or a crowd-favorite 1040 during the wonderful month of April? What we’re saying to you would be relatable if you knew how to file taxes in the first place, but we know you college kids only care about your memes and doobies. So, this content is only for that kid way ahead of their years who knows how to file their own taxes.

 

7.) Collecting All Of Your Dank W-2 Forms From Your 10 Part-Time Jobs:

W-2 forms are so lit because you get to see how much money you made from those ten jobs you had to work this past year because you can barely afford going to college. Your lazy friend will never know how much money they made at their dad’s law firm. Well…they probably don’t need to file taxes anyway, since their dad is committing white collar crimes at the finance firm.

6.) Spending More Time on TurboTax Than Pornhub:

If you’re a real tax veteran at 20 years old, you’ve definitely been working as a coal miner since you were eight and should report it to the Department of Labor. But, as a tax veteran, you’ve used TurboTax before where you just wanted to make filing taxes a little easier. Unfortunately it comes with the cost of not using PornHub for a while, but now you’re a virgin who knows how to file taxes.

5.) Your Tax Money Will Be Used Improperly By Your School’s Administration:

Tax money goes to state schools, and they don’t spend your hard-earned tax money wisely. Your school totally needs a new football stadium though, and they have you to thank for that.

4.) You Wouldn’t Be Afraid To Release Your Tax Returns, Right?:

You, the smart ones that know how to file taxes wouldn’t be afraid to release their tax returns. You’d want to brag to everyone how much money you made at your last internship at some Big Four law firm. Everyone will hate you and you’ll die alone, but at least you’re braver than our President.

3.) Explaining The Difference Between a 1040 Form and a 1099 Form to Idiots Who Don’t Know:

Ugh, it’s so annoying explaining to college kids who don’t know anything about taxes because different tax forms aren’t explained in any high school curriculum in America! It’s so obvious that a 1099 is for independent contractors and a 1040 is for you to file the income you have, deductions you claim, and say how much you owe to the IRS, dummy.

 

2.) Knowing What The Hell Jon Hamm In Those Weird H&R Block Commercials Is Talking About:

Everyone knows what H&R Block is from the commercials, but doesn’t know what H&R does or what actor Jon Hamm is talking about in those commercials. However, you, an intellectual, know what this paid actor who memorized a script and doesn’t file their own taxes is talking about.

1.) Your Money Will Be Used To Bomb A Country:

Most tax money goes toward the military, which will be used to drop bombs on countries without the authorization of Congress, which is so cool! But, hey at least you’ll get a small check from the government for your tax return.

So kudos to you for knowing how to file your own taxes. Live everyday like it’s Tax Day and keep being a slave to “The Man.”