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7 Things That’ll Probably Happen Before Construction at the Reitz is Finally Finished

The construction at the Reitz Union has gone on for too long. Rumor has it there’s nobody left at UF who remembers what it originally looked like. Some say the equipment and the men in hard hats have always been there. At this rate, plenty of important things are going to happen before the Reitz finishes getting a make-over.

7.) Coach Mac will come back:
Coach McElwain is going to slink his way back into The Swamp one day, but in order to do it he’s going to have to maneuver through a jungle gym of construction to get there. Shit, he’ll probably get fired again and the construction STILL won’t be done.

6.) Self-driving cars become the norm:
With companies investing more and more money into self-driving cars, the day when a car will drive itself straight into the machinery because there’s so fucking much of it isn’t too far off. We’ll see who wins that lawsuit.

5.) Mars colonization:
There’ll have to be at least one former Gator in the group that first colonizes Mars, because there’s no way NASA would let a candidate from a top 10 public institution slip by. That Gator’s first words upon stepping foot on the red planet will be: “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap fo– damn, I can see the scaffolding on the Reitz Union from here.”

4.) World War IV:
World War IV will be happening, and people trying to get to safety behind the Reitz will have to file in around the construction that they’re not allowed to walk through. Sadly, there won’t be enough space for everyone due to the metal contraptions that plague the backside of the building. At least the construction workers will be safe in their protective gear.

3.) You’ll finally get your burrito at Chipotle!:
We both know you’ve been waiting in line this whole time for that burrito. Maybe you’ll finally get it. It won’t matter, you’re going to lose it as you trip and dodge your way through the construction of the Reitz on the way back to your apartment.

2.) We meet aliens:
Aliens will come to visit Earth many years from now, and they’ll stare in wonder at great human achievements such as the pyramids, the Eiffel Tower, and the potato. But when they ask what that strange looking building is in Gainesville, Florida, our world leaders will look at the ground awkwardly and explain that it’s a ‘work in progress’.

1.) We discover the secret of infinite energy:
Long after we stop using oil, natural gas, coal, and even wind and solar energy, the humans of Earth and beyond will be using some fancy, science-y unlimited energy source. But it still won’t be enough to power all the welding torches, jackhammers, and bulldozers needed to finish the Reitz job.

These are all things that will happen before the main construction is done, don’t even get us started on the new railings.

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