April Fool’s Day is our favorite holiday here at The Black Sheep; an entire holiday dedicated to jokes and general bullshittery. Since we care very deeply about our audience, here are some jokes about UF that we don’t want you to fall for this holiday season:
7.) RTS is a Reliable Method of Transportation:
Looking to live off campus? Wondering how to get to class every day? Don’t have a car, bike, scooter, or legs? Have legs but don’t want to use them? Just take the bus! RTS promises that the buses run on a regular schedule and don’t look completely disgusting and sketchy. However, anyone who’s either missed several consecutive buses or had the misfortune of actually getting onto one knows that those promises are simply false—the opposite is, in fact, true.
6.) The Toilet Paper in the Dorms is Sufficient:
Ever try wiping your ass with sandpaper? That’s probably better than this.
5.) Free Speech Zones Are Awesome:
Oh yeah, this is a big one. Everyone got so excited about Turlington being a free speech zone (so they could shout their shitty opinions on veganism and kale chips), and it was all fun and games—until a Nazi showed up. Then it became not so awesome.
4.) The Florida BookStore is the Best Place to Buy Books:
We know it’s literally called the BookStore, but please don’t buy into that BS. Unless you have unlimited funds, not a single person should be excited about dropping $1,000 per semester on books. Instead, we recommend illegally downloading PDFs of your books, or plugging in random letters and numbers until you create an access code that works for your eBook. Anything is better than buying books from the Florida BookStore.
3.) Preview isn’t a Complete Waste of Time:
Ok, we all once acted like those excited freshmen—eager to get on campus and learn about all the resources UF has to offer. However, Preview is not really all its name implies. Instead of previewing UF classes and the school’s actual daily routine, admitted students and their parents gather in classrooms for presentations that literally no one remembers.
2.) Midtown is a Great Place:
Midtown is a literal cesspool and possibly the most disgusting place in the world. Case in point: Grog’s bathroom. Case in another point: the people who go there.
While we’ll admit that it is indeed great to be a Florida Gator, it is simply Great UF. Where the school spirit is through the roof, most of the other things the school has to offer are not very great at all. Don’t believe us? Here’s a drinking game for you to try: go through the hashtag #ItsGreatUF and take a shot every time someone uses it non-ironically. We guarantee you’ll be sober all night.
April is almost upon us; if you believe any of the above, you’re the ultimate fool.
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