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7 UF Freshmen You’ve Met this Year and Probably Already Hate

 

Fall may always be the same, but the freshmen seem to get weirder and more annoying every year. Here are some of the freshmen you’ll inevitably run into at some point this semester, and oh boy are you gonna hate them. 

7.) The “junior by credits”:

We get it, Melvin, you took IB classes in high school and you’re realllllllly proud of your AP Scholar with Distinction award. You could have 500 credits, but if you just graduated high school and it’s your first year at UF, guess what buddy? You’re a fucking freshman.

6.) The fashion show:

This freshman struts down Museum Road proudly sporting his UF21 shirt and accessorizing a little less-than-tastefully with his Hume West dorm room keys around his neck. Interesting choice, but in fashion one day you’re in and the next day you’re out; and lanyards are always out.

5.) The olympic athlete:

Hell-bent on not gaining the freshman 15, you will see this freshman in Southwest Rec every. single. day. Eventually they’ll give up and succumb to the ways of treating yo’self in Gainesville. Guess it wasn’t GAINSville for this little sucker!

4.) The meal plan enthusiast:

This freshman eats in the dining halls every day, knows all the Broward dishwashers by name, and thinks that the terrible food being served deserves 5 stars on Yelp. They also post pictures of POD sushi on their Snapchat story and think it looks gour-fucking-met. Spoiler alert, no one else does and we all think you’re gross.

3.) Freshma the Explora:

God bless this freshman. She’s always getting lost on campus and asking her map for directions to Turlington. Sometimes she’ll stop passersby to ask for help, but she’ll usually only receive a mild scowl before being completely ignored. If only she had a sidekick of some sort to help lead her to the French Fries!

2.) The motormouth:

We all know this freshman because of their many incessant posts on the UF class of 2021 Facebook page. What electives are easy? Who’s the best chem professor? Will someone be my roommate? Will someone just be my friend? Friends? Anyone? Help? LOL. NO, SARAH!

1.) The first-time drinker:

This freshman will be spotted limping around Mid every Friday and Saturday night. With no parents and very limited rules, this kid’s going fucking loco with the binge drinking. Unfortunately, since liquor is very hard for a barely-18 year-old child’s body, this freshman will also be spotted hunched over the toilet by midnight. Kind of like Cinderella, only much stickier.

As you navigate campus this semester, be on the lookout for these annoyances, and avoid them at all costs or they will ruin you.

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