Monthly subscriptions boxes are all the rage currently. They make us middle-class people feel like we’re in the top 1%–while cutting out the hassle of ever leaving our houses. What if there was a way for UF students to feel like they are getting the full college experience without ever having to leave their dorm room? We bring you UF’s first ever subscription box! Fully equipped with:
You all know the ones, with the single “F” printed on a white pin. They’re always squished next to 103 other buttons that are just advertisements for the various groups on campus.
UF is forever signed to Pepsi because of Gatorade. It’s probably in the contract, but we’d like to reiterate that every subscription box must contain Gatorade, just the yellow one though.
Tee from the UF Bookstore:
It’s a must to attend UF and own at least one piece of clothing from the UF Bookstore. A ~real~ UF student owns multiple, but those will add up monthly with these new subscription boxes!
They’re just giving them out at this point. Instead of a magazine describing the products, subscription, and possibly future items UF students are urged to participate on campus. SAD!
U-Matter, We-Care merch:
This is just UF’s way of throwing a subtle reminder that you’re important, and even though it’s the mid-semester slump, you’ll persevere. Throw that poncho in the back of your dorm closet and forget about it while you spend the next eight weeks crying in Mid.
Pencils/pens from the FLMNH:
Hey! These are dollar pencils in store. You WILL appreciate the free ones in the box.
A ~personalized~ note from Prez Fuchs:
Every subscription box will include a personalized letter from the great savior of UF, President Fuchs. And by personalized we mean a single letter written once, then copied and printed for every box. You’re welcome.
$5 Starbs gift card:
This is probably the real reason you sign up for the box. Even though Gainesville definitely has other coffee joints, UF students still find themselves standing in the long line that follows any of the six Starbucks on campus. UF Runs on Starbucks (oh, wait that’s the other place’s line).
And all this can be yours for the incredibly reasonable price of only $50 dollars a month plus tax and shipping fees! #UFLoves$$$
And without further ado, we give you A VINE POWER HOUR.