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How to Get Yourself Good n’ Comfy in a Crowded Newell Hall

So you’ve found yourself in Newell Hall. Perhaps it’s the middle of the day during exam season, and you can’t find even an inch of free space. Maybe it’s the middle of the night, and you’re only there because you got lost on your way to the discount Panera that lives in the same building. Whatever the case, Newell has some of the weirdest chairs, benches, and couches we’ve ever seen. The process for getting comfortable may not be what you expect, but as always, you can ask our friendly neighborhood President Kent Fuchs how to get comfortable in Newell Hall.

First Floor:

The first and bottommost floor is usually the most crowded. Sometimes it’s group projects, sometimes it’s girls on Pinterest, and sometimes it’s the people that actually just live there because they’re too cheap to get an apartment. As everyone knows, finding a quiet private area is the key to success when it comes to studying. So the only real option is to camp out under the stairs. It’s the only place you will be left totally alone. There’s even a bit of railing to keep everybody else out.

Second Floor:

The second floor is the premiere place for the agoraphobic (someone who dislikes open and public places). There are lovely person-sized cubbies located conveniently all around this floor, and if you back yourself into one of them you’ll never have to worry about someone coming up unexpectedly or trying to talk to you. And what is comfort if not ignoring everybody else in the world? Additionally, your knees in this position serve to hold up your laptop for easy use. This option is best for someone who likes to feel secure.

Third Floor:

Everyone’s seen those one-person cubicles, and they’re almost always full. The worst part about being in one is that you lose the ability to observe what’s going on around you. How can you be comfortable if you could be attacked at any moment? You can’t risk being taken down by surprise assailants, so what’s the solution? Sit on the desk part rather than the chair. You get 360 degrees of vision, as well as a nice view out the window. Nobody can sneak up on you in this position. Nobody.

Fourth Floor:

The fourth floor is the crowning jewel of Newell Hall. Study rooms, vending machines, and large curved seats. This floor truly has it all. Despite all the comfortable-looking seating, the top of the vending machines are absolutely the most luxurious spot in the entirety of Newell. Lounge on top of snacks, drinks, and school supplies. People will stare and gawk at you, but don’t fret, they’re just jealous. You are king of this 24/7 study castle, and you rule your kingdom from your super-comfortable perch. Disclaimer: those who are asthmatic should avoid this spot; the the climb and 5 pound dust bunnies will probably kill you.

We hope these spots bring you as much comfort as President Fuchs. Let us know if you find the vending machines just as comfortable as we did.

And without further ado, we give you A VINE POWER HOUR.

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