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Fourth Week Fall Fashion at UF: A Guide to Giving Up

As pressure mounts to maintain one’s image while living the double life of a MWF and TH schedule, trendsetters everywhere have been making serious statements about what’s IN this semester. The fourth week of school has officially marked when people stop trying to impress their peers, and this year’s fall fashion statements have made waves of change in what some may consider “standards.”

5.) Varsity jock:
This “Varsity Jock” look has been stirring up conversation in more than just the classroom. Students who have never before stepped foot in or seen one of the two gyms on campus are suddenly clad in an assortment of yoga pants, tank tops, running shoes, jerseys and track shorts. If you’re the student that has zero clean clothes left and has yet to locate the laundry room, this is the look for you.

4.) Away on vacation:
This look sports the relaxed—almost too relaxed—demeanor that starts seeping in at week four. Students sporting the “Away on Vacation” look might be seen at Krishna during class, hammocking in unconventional places like the new dragonfly statues or discovering their closest POD because they’re too lazy to take a bus to Publix. This look features flip flops which may/may not double as shower shoes, unkempt hair, a double XL cozy sweatshirt and a scattering of freshly awakened acne.

3.) Gator gear fanatic:
This one’s a real head-turner and fan-favorite: the “Gator Gear Fanatic.” For the student that will never be questioned which school he goes to, this look is an orange and blue explosion with loud Gator logos and UF Bookstore memorandum. Not only do these eccentric dressers love their school down to their UF boxers and Pink-approved underwear, but the accessories decorating this ensemble make it our all-time-favorite in douchebag apparel, including UF headphones, backpack, crew socks and skateboard.  

2.) Class-ick pajamas:
Probably the most popular among a.m. classes and chem majors, the “Class-ick Pajamas” look is for the stressed busy bee or the drained Netflix-binger. Instead of hiding the under-eye craters, permanent slouch and week-old stench, this look accentuates fatigue. In attempting to pull off pajama pants, a darling Instagram-worthy messy bun, oversized T-shirts or sweatshirts and sandals, this look goes best with no makeup and a healthy dose of hopelessness.

1.) Swamp plague:
This most feared and revered stage of fall holds a fashion statement of its own. The “Swamp Plague” look—which grips the most unsuspecting, ill-prepared victims of fashion—is a style that can kill. Attired in a three-day old outfit, clip-on water bottle and fuzzy socks—and armed with kitschy Bath and Body Works hand sanitizer holders—signals the infamous “Swamp Plague” look that every student must sport at some time. Every. Student. This look is best accompanied with bloodshot eyes, clammy hands, an undying cough that only strikes in class and in bed, a runny nose, pale lips and just a sprinkling of Zika.

These popular styles making appearances in all corners of UF prove that fall semester has arrived—and gotten to the point where clean articles of clothing are considered dressing up. But if the fashion world takes a hit, so be it. If your clothes are on point, your grades won’t be; at this stage in the game, nobody is looking up from the spills on their own clothes to recognize yours.

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