The Judgmental Map of Boca Raton
When you tell people from Boca, you usually have to follow it up with something like, “nonono but it’s not what you think.” Actually, it kind of is what you think. Between all the old people, spoiled kids, and hot, recently-divorced moms, Boca can be a pretty scary place. Check out this map to see what’s really goin’ on and which places avoid in the fine city of Boca Raton, Florida.
West Boca, AKA the ‘hood:
Go any farther west and you’re literally in the everglades. It’s technically not even Boca, it’s “unincorporated Boca Raton,” which you love to tell people so they don’t think you’re a snobby asshat (you are). This is where the kind of normal people live. It’s basically schools, parks, neighborhoods, and Chipotles, which means it’s full of teenagers driving 60 in a 40, smoking weed for the first time at South County, and losing their virginity in the backseat of a car in a Publix parking lot.
The thing to remember about Boca is the further east you get, the bougier everything gets. Here you’ll begin to see country clubs, big buildings full of men in suits, and worst of all, Town Center Mall. Fun fact, not only is Ariana Grande from Boca, but she was actually born in the Gucci store at Town Center, and her first words were “THIS ISN’T REAL LEATHER.” You try to avoid central Boca but you gotta get to Whole Foods somehow. Plus, this is where all the good Sushi is, and that’s something you’re just not willing to give up.
Unless you’re going to the beach, you stay the fuck out of East Boca. This is the image that comes to mind when people think of Boca. It’s where you’ll find yacht clubs, beach clubs, expensive shops and puppies with designer clothes. For the peasants who can’t afford to be a member of Boca Beach Club, they named the shitty beach at the end of Palmetto, “South Beach” to make you think you’re somewhere actually interesting. You’re not.
No matter where you are now, you can’t change the fact that you grew up on these streets. It’s a part of you. You are a Boca person. Yikes.
Hey dummy, listen to our podcast!