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How to Quickly Move Out of Your Shitty UF Dorm for the Summer

At this point in the semester everyone is beyond done with their shit. Literally no one can think of anything other than getting the fuck out of Rainsville. All that’s left to do is pack up everything you own, and clean your dorm until it looks how it did the first day you moved in. Ugh, that’s going to take HOURS. Here’s how to pack up as fast as possible and get through your RA checks so you can peace out in peace:

5.) Literally just throw all your shit away: 
Honestly, who needs physical objects anyway? Didn’t Good Life teach you about mindfulness and not caring about materialistic objects? Just put everything in the giant dumpster they wheel up to the dorms and tell your parents you lost it all.  

4.) Leave everything and pay the fine:
Why do work when you don’t have to? Wanna beat the rush home and get out of the dorms without the hassle? Just leave all the shit you don’t care about and deal with whatever fine the school throws at your parents. When Mom and Dad question it, just tell them it’s one of those dumb “hidden fees”. Those pesky hidden fees are always weighing you down!

3.) Feed any left over food to the gators that live in the Reitz pond: 
All those drunchies you bought and vegetables from when you were convinced you were going to eat healthy are rotting away in your mini-fridge. The RA’s will never let you walk out with all that in there. Put it all into a bag, carry it over to Reitz, and give the lil gators a nice treat. Two birds, one stone.  

2.) Throw your stuff out the window to avoid going up and down stairs: 
They told you the windows don’t open, the lie detector test determined: HEY, THAT WAS A LIE. Put all your clothes in trash bags, bubble wrap anything that’s fragile, and get that shit out the window. Show off all your gains from South West and see if you can get it straight into your car!  

1.) Set the building on fire and never look back: 
Can’t pack things up if you don’t have anything to pack. Not only will you spend 0 time packing, but rumor has it that if your building burns down you automatically get a 4.0! Find one of the 400 chem majors around and figure out how to make it look like a building spontaneously combusted. It’ll be the most fun you’ve had all semester.  

Whether you’re done with dorm life for good, or you’ll be going through move-outs again next year, now you know how to get in and out faster than anything. Say goodbye to this shitty semester and hello to being bored as fuck at home over summer! 

Know anyone at one of these schools?

UNC-Wilmington –$100 BOUNTY
University of Arizona — $300 BOUNTY!
Texas A&M Corpus Christi — $100 bounty!
Auburn — $100 bounty!
Penn State — $100 bounty!
Indiana — $100 bounty!
SUNY Oswego — $100 bounty!

Refer a friend for a marketing job, get $$$$ if they’re hired! 

DM our twitter and we’ll take it from there!

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