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The Results of the UF’s 2018 Albert Awards are IN!

With award season upon us, we decided to give UF its own little moment of fame. A mix of the Grammys, Oscars, and VMA’s, the Alberts capture the best of the best on campus. So get your acceptance speech ready and strap the fuck in for some red carpet drama.

Record of the Year: Theta:
You guys rocked the Gator Nation with that very special recording that some of your sisters dropped. This whole time we thought you were the nice KAs! But it’s okay, it made everyone forget about chicken parm scandal— oops!

Best New Artist: Sig Ep:
Ya’ll might be the new kids on the block, but you are killing the game. A few tailgates, no major scandals, and you didn’t get disbanded like nineteen of the other frats this semester! You’re coming out of the gates strong, and we expect to see much more of you later on down the road!

Best Choreography: Everyone at that Basketball Game:
Oh man, we’ve never seen so much rhythm or passion put into a dance since Dennis was around campus. So many flailing body parts and offbeat clapping, it was truly a spectacle to see.

Best Performance: Kent Fuchs in his meme video:
Oh Kent, you’ll do anything to stay hip and trendy like the kiddos. Whether it be fidget spinners, giving kids rides to class, or making an appearance on the Snapchat Story every once in a while, you truly do it all.

Cutest Couple: TEP and Phi Tau:
A tragedy that ended with a beautiful marriage. You two have formed a new bond beyond brotherhood, and it is beyond heartwarming. We hope we’re invited to the tailgate/ceremony!

Life Time Achievement Award: Dennis:
What would UF be without the man who’s been here for half of his life? We’ve seen the barren wasteland that Turlington has become, but nothing can stop him from dancing across the street, and taking weird pics in Starbucks. Dennis has brought more pride to this school than anyone else, and for that, we thank you.

And now a moment of silence for those we’ve lost this year:
Eddy Pinero, Coach Mac, Gators’ Football Dignity, Pike, TEP, and every single one of the half a million dollars spent on security for Richard Spencer.

Gators, we hope you all feel honored and appreciated. The most gratifying award of them all though, is merely the fact that you go to UF. Go Gators!

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