There are only a few reasons someone would ever end up in Gulf Breeze, Florida if they aren’t from Gulf Breeze. Either they work over the bridge in Pensacola and have to go through the four stop lights on their way to work, they took the wrong exist off I-10 and are hopelessly lost, or they want to get piss drunk on the sandy beaches. After your buddy Drunk Jeff insists, “Beer has carbs in it, dude.” One too many time, you should
5.) Cactus Flower:
Located on the Pensacola Beach Boardwalk, this “California style” Mexican restaurant is only a short stumble away. Burritos bigger than your meathead friend’s forearm will certainly do the trick for filling up your battle-weary stomach. However, don’t be surprised if while eating you notice a large number of white teenaged girls dining around you taking many a shameless picture for Instagram. Nothing says both “trendy” and “heathy” like lettuce doused in queso and ranch dressing.
4.) Jerry’s Drive-In:
A quick drive across the bridge in to Pensacola gets one to this local diner which has anything your overworked heart could desire. However, here your options go a lot further; you can satisfy that craving you’ve been having for the internal organs of animals, and get an order of chicken and gizzards for a mere $5.75. If drunk you wants an order of chicken livers, well damn, let him have em’!
3.) Dog House Deli:
“It’s not the size that matters, but what you do with it.” There’s nothing fancy about this hot dog joint, just tell the cashier what size wiener you want, what you want on it, and where you’re planning to put it. If for no other reason, it’s worth checking out just to see Drunk Jeff struggle to find the least compromising angle to shove that dog in his mouth.
Apart from Sidelines providing a toilet to throw up in after the mixture of rum and salt water that has undoubtedly filled your stomach erupts, this place also has many tasty options to choose from. Most popular by far however, are the chicken wings. Nothing’s kinkier or as satisfying to your drunchies quite like their “Hurt Me” sauce. You can’t go wrong with an order of 50 wings to split between you, your friends, and the huge men dedicated to watching reruns of UFC fights in the corner.
“Whatabeez” or simply “Beez” as it’s known to its many loyal customers in the area, Whataburger rounds out the list of drunk food places in Gulf Breeze. Order a Honey Barbeque Chicken Strip Sandwich or a Patty Melt off of the “All-Time Favorites” menu and you won’t be sorry you did. Well, maybe the next morning you will be when you’re hungover and 30 minutes late to work because you can’t get off the toilet. But, who cares about Sober Jeff, Drunk Jeff needs food now and so do you.
Gulf Breeze may not be much, but at least when you’re here you know you can drunkenly slam on as many chicken gizzards as you like without shame.
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