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Imaginary Buccaneers lose to the Gators in March Madness


UF Beats Imaginary School East Tennessee State, Pretty Sure UVa is Imaginary Too


After handing the East Tennessee State Buccaneers a defeat of 80-65 points, the upcoming University of Virginia Cavaliers have confirmed that both schools are merely figments of NCAA imagination. Suspicions were initially raised when the two teams, both alluding to swordsmen of an era long gone, ended up in the March Madness brackets.

UF head coach, Mike White, said he was confused about the placement at first. 

“Honestly, I’d never even heard of East Tennessee State. Middle Tennessee sure, but ETSU? Sounds made up to me,” White gloated.  

Most schools in the NCAA have been registered for weeks to make it this far, but the resulting two schools being involved could only be the result of a series of clerical errors. For instance, East Tennessee State could easily replace swashbuckling pirates to receive the same outcome. The Buccaneers’ loss, while expected, was nothing compared to the low expectations of UVa against Florida.

“I think it’s pretty cool we beat an imaginary team,” said UF player Kasey Hill. “Just goes to show you we’re good enough to beat a real team, AND a fantasy team. Beating the Cavs will definitely be a 1UP for us.”

UVa (which thus far has been unassociated with the word sports) also boast the colors orange and blue, but were unable to replicate UF’s higher odds of winning. While Virginia remains unoriginal in comparison, the Gators have been struggling to formulate a solid plan against a school whose game plan could involve anything from the dark arts to direwolves.

“We’ve faced a lot in our road to now, but please someone tell me,” Coach White begged. “What the fuck is a Cavalier?”

The Gators face off against UVA on March 18 at 8:40 p.m., airing live on TNT.    



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