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UF Student Body President Practicing to be a Real Politician by Being Total Ass Hat

 

University of Florida Student Senate President, William Smith Meyers, 22, immersed himself in the true politician lifestyle this spring break after getting arrested in Key West early  last Tuesday. Meyers knocked over two Harley-Davidson motorcycles in a drunken tantrum after trying, and failing, to turn them on.

Meyers, elected just two weeks ago on Feb. 22, acted like any good politician and wasted no time in securing his first scandal.  According to police, Meyers couldn’t even recall making the trip down to Key West, and said that the motorcycles fell over onto the sidewalk because, “People don’t know how to ride bikes.”

Police arrested him on suspicion of misdemeanor criminal damage. Later, a spokesperson for the Key West PD revealed that they didn’t want to include a charge for public intoxication because that might ruin his life. UF students should be proud, he’s already getting out of serious charges like a real politician, too!

Meyers was released on a bond of $328 after causing an estimated $200-$1,000 worth of damage. This is still significantly less than what student government planned to give to the Greek system, so in the end, it could have been a lot worse.

The Impact party has faced more and more opposition in recent semesters but, since Meyers ran unopposed, he won. The campaign functioned under the tagline “Character that Counts,” which could not be more ironic.

Impact has not released an official statement, but several students have taken to Facebook to voice their opinions. Many have mentioned that sharing his arrest is an unnecessary form a defamation, in which several other students replied with, “Shut up,” and, “Get over yourselves.”

Students have also been tweeting about the situation. One student with the twitter handle @Acutofcrystal tweeted, “We need to put UF in rice.” A former student tweeted, “Happy I got out of there when I did.”

Meyers had plans of pursuing a public office position post-graduation; those dreams crashed as quickly as those motorcycles crashed to the ground.

UF informed the public that a misdemeanor charge has no impact on enrollment status, leaving Meyers in the clear.  President Fuchs declined to comment but an email is expected sometime soon, as that’s protocol whenever something gets fucked up. 

 

 

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