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UF Student Clears Publix Shelves in an Attempt to Pay for a Year of Unpaid Parking Tickets

On April 1 UF’s known jokester, President Fuchs, released a video statement announcing that university will start a pardon program for students’ parking tickets, so long as they make food donations. The following day The Alligator made it clear that this statement was not a joke, leading many students straight to the Publix checkout line.

Senior IFAS student, Connor Thompson, stated that he learned about the pardon while waiting for RTS bus 127 at Rawlings.

 “Yo, I have like $120 in parking fees,” said Thompson. “When I heard this I was all like, ‘whhhhhhaaaaaat!?’”

According to Fuchs’ statement, any parking tickets issued within the last 12 months that have not been paid, can be forgiven through the new “Food for Fines” program.

“I went to Publix and bought an entire aisle’s worth of food to pay off my tickets,” Thompson said. “My backpack is full of unpaid parking tickets, and if I can get those removed, I’ll have a clean slate, man.”

Apparently Thompson did not read the article thoroughly.

“Wait, is this a prank? I just skimmed it, like the title y’know… I just spent $239 on fuckin’ Cheerios to pay off all my fines, it better not be!”

Thompson was last seen hauling off bags of food on the back of his scooter after leaving Publix where he was illegally parked for 45 minutes.

 

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