Just seven months after UF hosted white supremacist Richard Spencer to speak at the Philips Center, the University of Florida’s chapter of Young Americans for Freedom were eager to fill their quarterly quota, inviting yet another seriously fucking terrible person to speak on their campus.
YAF, or What Fucking Monsters for short, reached out to certified Asshole™ Dinesh D’Souza, the political commentator who took to Twitter to antagonize the victims of the Parkland shooting just days after, to speak in April.
“If we don’t work hard and make the effort to welcome the scummiest scum of the Earth to the university to enlighten our student, then who will?” said Amy Van Der Camp, very loud and annoying YAF member. “We tried to get to get in contact with Hitler, but after some research we found out he’s actually dead, so.”
The other 99% percent of the student body seems relatively uncomfortable by the effort made to invite to campus someone who should be seated at the right hand of Satan’s butthole.
“Yo, what the fuck? Is there no vetting process for who UF lets stand behind a podium and flail their arms around?” exclaimed fourth-year political science major Joe Johnson upon hearing the news. “First a literal Nazi, and now this large penis? Who’s next Woody Allen?”
80-year-old faculty member George Shingles, head of the YAF’s invite-only guest list and hard of hearing, cites that he has always tried to meet students’ desires. He states this as the reasoning behind being so eager to approve YAF’s request to invite another demon to the university.
“Of course I’m happy to have Dr. Seuss come to Gainesville! After seeing how excited everyone got to see a real life Nazi speak, I’m sure they’ll be just as pleased to have their favorite childhood author here too,” Shingles stated.
D’Souza is set to speak on April 12, where one person in attendance will be cheering while the rest will be throwing tomatoes and dropping out of the university.
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