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UF’s Declassified Syllabus Week Survival Guide

 

Coming to a town near us is syllabus week. These seven days present the opportunity to embrace the college lifestyle before snapping back into reality. So give yourself the week off. You deserve it—and it’s not like you’re missing anything. We at The Black Sheep will help guide you during your week long extended vacation.

10 a.m.: Waking up after a night of responsibility-free time at Grog (which started at 1 p.m., because why not?) is the only invitation your hangover needed. Now is the time to fight that off: head to your local Starbucks (or hit one of the more Gainesville-exclusive coffee shops), maybe hit Student Rec and sweat it off. The goal here is to recover by the early afternoon to start the cycle over again.

12 p.m.: You’ve gotten your Volta coffee, some water, maybe a quick run in at SW and you’re finally starting to feel less like a zombie. This is the prime time to get food and fuel up for the rest of this rollercoaster of a day. Someone announced yet another bar crawl through Mid tonight. But you’re experienced—you’ve been doing this all week—and you’ve gone from bar crawl to bar walk, hell, some even say that you bar run now.

2 p.m.: You’ve made it out to whichever bar was running the lunch happy hour today. You would normally be starting that Orgo course right now, but rather than reading through a paper that defines what this chem class will put you through (because you know it will be hell), you’re out having the time of your life. Sounds like a win in our eyes.

7 p.m.: With as much fun as you’ve been having hopping from bar to bar, you realize that the only thing you’ve had to eat today was lunch—and that you’re starving. On the way to find food (you plan to savor pizza by the slice before it inevitably closes) you start to feel a bit of guilt for missing a full day of class. Setting that 8 a.m. alarm on your phone instantly relieves you off this nagging feeling and instills you with studious pride.

12:30 a.m.: Still at Midtown, you pull out your phone and turn off that alarm. There’s simply no reason to attend class—attendance points don’t start counting until next Thursday (at least that’s the consensus among the general student body). The angel on your shoulder tells you to go home and chug water, while the demon yells at you to get another pitcher and let the good times roll. You opt to stay, but you take comfort that it was a close decision.

Like any good guide, you’ll want to rinse and repeat this daily blueprint until your classes really start; we promise you won’t be disappointed.

Speaking of drinking before noon…

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