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11 Classes We Hope Mason Will Offer in the Fall 2017 Semester

 

As Mason continues its endeavors as the ~edge lord of public universities~, more and more weird and weirdly specific classes are appearing on the course catalog. Patriots know Mason prides itself on diversity in thought, as well as culture (why else would GMU tolerate the Jesus nuts chastising us in North Plaza?). So just in case you missed them, The Black Sheep would like to call your attention to some of the more unique classes we’re expecting to be offered this fall.

11.) THR 269- Intro to Porn Acting:

This is Fairfax county– being a broke college student isn’t an option. Class meets down that secluded, dark, back hallway in the DeLaski building. Recommended prerequisite: WMST 126: Fake Orgasms as a Science

10.) PHIL 328– Rick & Morty as A Reflection of the Human Consciousness:

Oh dude, this class. Gonna blow your mind. Plz bring your szechwan sauce and a Netflix password.

9.) BUS 420– Analysis of Modern Drug Markets:

Embraces the basic concept of supply and demand to consider the future of foreign and American drug markets. What better place to study drug trafficking than the mean streets of Fairfax County. Recommended prerequisite: CRIM 207 False Identities

8.) COMM 276– The Art of Sounding Intelligent:

We’re all aware how close to DC we are. Don’t let the Cheeto-in-chief destroy the importance of eloquent speech. Learn how to craft speeches even classier than President Cabrera’s uplifting emails.

7.) BIOL 470– The Life Cycle of the Manticore:

For the senior bio major who is thoroughly sick of taking classes studying real animals. Consider the life-cycle of a mythical lion-bird-beast-thing, ya nerds.

6.) FAVS 234– The Man, The Myth, The Legend: Adam Sandler:

Why bother perfecting the art of filmmaking when Adam Sandler can just shit out an awful movie every summer and make a fuckload of money? Just learn how to do that!

5.) MATH 184– Calculating Fucks Given Under Varying Circumstances:

A consideration of factors such as: amount of caffeine currently in your body, and the operating hours of the nearest Starbucks. Recommended prerequisite: PSYC 185 Art of Giving a Fuck

4.) CS 104– Intro to Talking to Women:

Our campus is 51% female. The odds are slightly in your favor, dudes. New from the Mason MIX lab, access to our Girl Simulator, FAE (Female Automation Engine). Leave your comfort zone without ever actually leaving your comfort zone.

3.) CHEM 499– Planning Your Own Funeral:

Chem majors, you’ve had a hard life. Sometimes we take on challenges that are just too great. Aquire the skills for when this class actually prevents your brain from functioning.

2.) PSYC 109– Intro to Over Thinking Every Thought You’ll Ever Have Again:

This course will prevent you from sleeping because you’ll be too busy psychoanalyzing everyone from your mother, to cartoon characters, to the president, and yourself. You’ll learn enough psychology to have a million questions, but not enough to answer any of them.

1.) GLOA 328– What the Fuck is Going On?:
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH. THE PLANET IS DOOMED AND PEOPLE ARE DUMB– CLASS DISMISSED.

Patriots, if you haven’t finalized your schedule for next semester yet fight for these classes as options. Taking CHEM 441 again sounds pretty boring, and so does COMM 111. 

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