Ah yes, finals season. The smells of straight espresso, tears, and unshowered college kids fill the campus. As we all face death in the form of a Blue Book, we all have to process the tragedy surrounding us. Rub the statue’s toe for luck, and brace yourself for the finals grieving process.
No no, it’s still April, finals aren’t for another– FUCK! How is it May already?
Okay, well, that’s ok right? You took good notes, you went to class, how much studying could you possibly have to do? Exams can’t be that hard, right? RIGHT?
Why do you need this fucking Mason CORE class anyway? You’re a fucking English major, you don’t need calculus! Why did you think it was a good idea to take the Dance Appreciation course, you will never have rhythm! Hey, Hey– past you from the beginning of the semester! Why didn’t you take better notes, you asshole! What do you expect me to learn from this!? This note just says ‘magnets?’
Okay, just study for one more hour then you can get Panera mac n’ cheese to drown your sorrows.
Do you think any of these professors would accept Venmo? You may be broke, but you’re not above paying to get that B.
Excuse yourself to fling your limbs into the murky depths of Mason pond. You’ll be lucky if you choke on goose shit. You will never pass anything ever again, in your life. You’ve failed. Better start filling out my McDonalds application now.
As you know, Cs get degrees. Bill Gates dropped out of college, right? Failing a one credit RECR class isn’t the end of the world. “It doesn’t matter how slow you go as long as you don’t stop” and motivational junk like that, right? You will still be alive if you pass or fail.
Sincerely hope that all Mason students survive these feelings. Only one solid week of finals to go!
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