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George Mason

6 Reasons To Be Thankful We Don’t Go To GW

 

When it comes to college rivals, it becomes a battle of the ‘Georges’ with Mason. We’re close in proximity to both George Washington University and Georgetown University. However, our man George Mason goes way back with George Washington. The rivalry has lived far longer than our university, so here are 6 reasons why George Mason’s Patriots are glad they aren’t Colonials of GW. 

6.) Preppies:

At George Washington, everyone wears Sperry’s and Vineyard Vines, even when they have a 104 fever with the flu. Here at Mason, you can stroll into class in pajamas with limited judgement. Most GW students use Mommy and Daddy’s AmEx to get new apparel in Georgetown each weekend, while opting out of public transportation for the use of their expensive cars. Here at Mason, we enjoy the terrible smelling shuttles, the fear we endure while riding, and our classy bum wear. They may be rich, but fellow hard-working Patriots – do not fear! The median post-grad salary for GMU is roughly $3,000 more. We’re sure Colonial’s parents will make up the difference though.

5.) Revolutionary Rivalry: Battle of the Georges:

Despite what US history books tell you, George Washington was a dick. When the Constitution was being written, Washington didn’t support the Bill of Rights that our man Mason wrote. As you know, Mason’s Virginia Declaration of Rights served as the model of the Bill of Rights. Maybe this explains why GW is predominantly white. If you ever want to know where the Washington Monument is in relation to campus, stand in front of the Mason statue. It is directly behind his back. Let the rivalry continue.

4.) Innovation:

At Mason, innovation is more than just a recently remodeled building. Mason ranks #14 as the most innovative universities across the country. There may be a lot of construction, but this is a sign of a promising future. Enrollment is expected to increase 50% by 2030, which is why we have a badass ~70 million dollar library addition. GW hasn’t had any expansion or improvements since mid-2000. You would think their $52,000 tuition would allow for some expansion…

3.) University President:

cabrera

George Washington’s president, Steven Knapp, was previously a provost at John’s Hopkins (another hoity school). Previously, he specialized in Romanticism. Seems like a pretty boring president. Cabrera, on the other hand, specializes in selfies and serving on a PetSmart board. His rap sheet is way cooler. He is the first and only Spaniard to become a chief executive of an American institution of higher learning. Racquet sports are his specialty, having been spotted frequently at the RAC with his son on weekends.

2.) Axed: Football:

We know, Mason has no football and never will due to Title IX and budgeting. How would you feel if your school had football and it was taken away? Ask any Colonial that graduated from 1881-1966, if they are still living. The team was terminated to build a field house for the men’s basketball team. The Colonials basketball record may be better than Mason’s, but we bet their head coach doesn’t give out free doughnuts like Coach Paulson.

1.) Student Life:

Roughly 22% of the GW population is involved in Greek life. With that being said, they have limited student organizations where you can meet people. Fitting, for their lifestyles. Mason has over 320 registered student organizations suitable for every student’s needs. It only takes 8 people and an advisor to start your own club. Out of 357 universities in a case study, Mason ranked #1 in diversity. You cannot walk across campus on any given day without hearing another language or debating on eating at the Globe. GW’s largest, most bragged about student organization is the College Democrats. Can you imagine being on their campus right now during the election?

Aren’t we all glad we don’t go to a stick-up-their-ass school like GW? Being a Patriot is so much more chill than being a Colonial. And why would anyone want to be named a colonial after colonialism pretty much caused all the tension in early America? And green and gold is so much cooler than buff and blue. What kind of color is buff anyway?

 
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