Dear Fellow Alcohol-loving Mason Community,
Having a bar on campus is extremely inconvenient and convenient at the same exact time. Like, how am I supposed to go to class when that shitty, skunked Angry Orchard is calling my name from the bar? Let’s be honest, The Rat isn’t the best place to drink, but it is one of the best (legal) places to get drunk on campus.
Here, I can drink alone without being judged. My day starts at 11 a.m. and ends at 9 p.m. because Mason loves to shit on everyone’s parade. Don’t want to go to class? Hide out here while shoving your face with low quality, undercooked wings. Pairs perfectly with your extra fermented beer. The best part is that I don’t even blow through a paycheck, like I usually do at Fats on a Thursday night.
When I was touring here way back yonder, I was told that there was a bar on campus that “everyone sits at to watch football games and get beers with wings.” That is like saying Hillary Clinton won the election. The place is always empty and rumored to be closing, especially due to the fact that it’s closed weekends. How am I supposed to get drunk watching LSU destroy Alabama on a Saturday night? Mason Dining, you have pushed me to become like Little Big Town and “day drink.” You have not only made me hate country music, but also the person I have become.
I love to just talk to myself and reason as to why I am skipping class for alcohol. I’m not an alcoholic, just anti-academic. I’ll just come out and say it; this is all Mason’s fault for even putting a bar on a college campus in the first place, especially one that starts serving before noon. Not only do they get my college tuition, they get my $20 to support their terrible outsourcing of services, AKA corporate Sodexo. The least they can do is throw the word “Magic” behind the word Sodexo to make it sound more mystical, like Disney.
What am I trying to say? Don’t be like me. If you want to be alone and drink while skipping class, at least go somewhere classy like Applebee’s or The Green Turtle. You risk being seen by your professors as you sit alone in anguish debating on getting another piss beer. Just save your fake ID and lack of money for Clarendon or Giant.
Next time you walk by the dingy Rat in SUB 1, you will wonder. Is that man sitting alone the one who wrote this letter?
Don’t feel free to join me.
A Mason Hood Rat