If GMU Colleges Were Snapchat Filters

author-pic at George Mason  

What’s the one thing we all want to do when we should be studying for hell week and getting started on those papers instead of procrastinating? We want to pick up our phones and keep refreshing Snapchat to see who’s doing what in their stories. And we want to mess around with the filters as much as possible before they disappear the next day. At Mason, we see fellow classmates every day trying to discreetly send a cute/funny/ugly Snapchat with whatever filter during lectures, or while walking through North Plaza. Here’s what each college at GMU would look like if they could just be a Snapchat filter. (Disclaimer: Many selfies were hurt in this process by our editor).

Antonin Scalia Law School… Or as we’ll call it forever, ASSoL:

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Mason likes to think that the ASSoL is the best thing to ever happen to it. Just because our law campus is two miles out from D.C. doesn’t make us hot shit. It makes us lukewarm law wannabes trying to be the next Scandal or House of Cards characters. If you think about it, we never even see the law students on main campus because they’re too busy walking around with sticks up their asses in Arlington, being the biggest ASSoLs out there. If ASSoL was a Snapchat filter, it’d be both the pretty filter and the recent Morton’s salt filter. Pretty doesn’t hide how salty you are that you don’t have a life other than law. No one follows the law anyway. 

College of Education and Human Development (CEHD):

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CEHD is made up of some of the most responsible students. These people have so much patience because all they learn about is having to deal with people. They’re probably the happiest of all students at Mason just because what they do pretty much requires positive attitudes all around. They study everything that general education has to offer and know everything there is to know ever, meaning that they are perfect, happy people. CEHD would definitely be the bright flower crown filter and golden butterfly filter. Because gold butterflies are equivalent to gold star stickers for their attitudes. 

College of Health and Human Services (CHHS):

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The health nuts of campus. They probably have those mini hand sanitizer bottles attached to their backpacks and are judging you for whatever you eat. “Oh my God, you should not eat at Chick-fil-A on campus, those milkshakes are sooo bad for you!” Shut up, Trisha, you’re not a nurse yet. Get out of your bubble (filter made of tons of soap for sanitary reasons). 

College of Humanities and Social Sciences (CHSS):

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CHSS is made up of some of the chillest students ever. You’ve got Communications majors, English majors, and History majors. Pretty much all the majors that come with minimum work throughout the entire semester until suddenly during finals week. These are the students that start off super chill, never studying, always partying, up until they realize they’re having a mental meltdown during the last two weeks of the semester because they suddenly have 5 huge papers to do. Chill sunglasses filter, and suddenly glum filter. 

College of Science:

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The most common words by the Science students are, “SHIT I’M LATE FOR MY ORGO EXAM!” Or something along the lines of complaining about bio labs and baby pig dissections and such. In our imagination, the science college students are most likely always crying, always depressed, and always stressed beyond belief. Ugly mascara and lipstick filter here, looking just like your worst drunk night ever. 

College of Visual and Performing Arts:

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Let’s all be honest here. As soon as the leaves on campus turn orange and red who do you see swarming North Plaza for seasonal projects for whatever they have in mind? Art students. And if you see something really strange on campus that you have no words for? Probably an art student. They bask in weirdness and fall leaves, and they have no shame about it. They’re not weird at all, in fact they’re unique just the way they are. 

Schar School of Policy and Government:

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The Schar students can’t stop talking about their majors and how much they freaking love government issues. Is that someone speaking very loudly in the JC about what they think about policy changes from Trump? Probably a Schar student. Their mouths probably get so sore from talking so much, hence the giant “DSL” filter. 

School for Conflict Analysis and Resolution:

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The Conflict Analysis school always brags about all their creative and diverse approaches to conflict strategies and blah, blah, blah. These are the “peacekeepers” of campus, always acting like the good samaritan, spreading rainbows and peace and joy everywhere. It’s like they’re unicorn fairies or something. And everything they say is positive word vomit. Rainbow word vomit. 

School of Business:

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Business students are the most basic students on the Mason campus. More basic than UGGs and Starbucks lattes in the JC. Go up to someone random on campus and ask them what their major is. 50 bucks, probably a business, marketing, or econ major. And what filter do all the basic bitches love? The dog filter. 

Volgenau School of Engineering:

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Whenever our engineering students make a breakthrough in their fancy ass building made of glass, Mason is so proud and they get onto national news. Remember those engineering guys that figured out how to put out fires with sound waves or something? Mason engineering students. Give these guys the nerdy glasses filter. We get it, you’ve done it again, get your Jimmy Neutron brain blast out of here. 

It’s strange that there is a Snapchat filter that embodies every school at Mason, whether it’s the ASSoLs or psychos out of the health and nursing program. But one thing is for sure, Mason students sure love their filters, and that’s why we have three separate filters on Snapchat that all say, “George Mason University.”

If you’re saying you’ve never experienced DADs, well, you’re lying: