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George Mason

Mason Majors Renamed to Fit What They Actually Are

 

Mason is home to a variety of different majors, however the cool ones are all minors. You’re probably better off picking another school because there’s not too much to offer here. They are all easy to rename though, so The Black Sheep has compiled a list of common areas of study and layered them with just a dash of honesty.

Integrative Studies – “Liberal Arts Commies”

Most of them actually believe that Hillary won the election. Others are just in the program because the education program got cut. Easy, discussion based classes with super knowledgeable professors, but don’t even attempt to go against their views on participation trophies.

Dance – “Not Smart Enough for College”

Enough said. Not discrediting the program, just your lack of intelligence. Good luck paying off your loans with your excellent income from children’s birthday parties. Great job at your gala though! Daily classes include: interpretive dancing to goth music, and watching Black Swan for extra credit.

Parks and Recreation – “Wanna Be Leslie Knopes”

Because why add leisure as your minor? We hope that one day, your major will make this town exactly like Pawnee. Homework includes: jogging in a park, and hitting on park police in attempt for an internship. Fairfax must get rid of the gangs first- that’s where they dump the bodies.

Climate Change – “Prius Drivers”

They are mostly in the Sierra Club coming to your class while skipping theirs to spread their ideas like they plant trees. Homework includes: cleaning up trash and singing Kumbaya. A lot of yelling about ~emissions~ in class.

Social Justice and Human Rights – “DACA Supporters, Trump Haters”

Homework and class includes only current event reports, obviously. Pretty much the only ones that hand out stuff in North Plaza as extra credit. Frequently seen fighting the preacher- both physically, and verbally.

Nursing – “Don’t Actually Want to be Nurses”

Would you trust them to give you a shot? Their program is no longer accredited, so they probably learn from Web M.D. Major props though, their coursework and clinicals are hard AF.

Kinesiology – “Student Athletes Attempting to College”

85% of the program is made up of DI athletes. However, most of them drop because, “wait, this isn’t like learning how to kick a soccer ball? Wow, my advisor lied.” Only the strongest get degrees.

Communication – “Sorority Hoes”

Communication at Mason involves socializing with only Greeks, and totally passing all of your exams with As. Why? Because the comm program is a joke- hands down the easiest major here. Be proud of your acquired 4.0 GPA.

Here’s to all the future Leslie Knopes and Prius drivers. See, told you we’d be honest. 

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