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Ranking the Sexiness of GMU’s Basketball Players by Name Only

Patriot Platoon are y’all ready for all the Mason Madness that is about to spice up your life?! The Black Sheep sure is. Midterms are finally over and it’s officially basketball season. That means you can focus on more important things like those studs on the team with perfect arms. It’s extremely important to choose who to cheer for by their degree of hotness rather than skill or abilities on the court. Priorities right? Here’s a ranking of the sexiest Mason men’s basketball players based solely on their name. What good is cheering if the name doesn’t sound good rolling off your tongue?

12.) Jaire Grayer:

sportsjairegrayer 

It’s highly unfortunate that 9/10 times people will be mispronouncing your name. A common struggle that no one will risk chanting for you until they’ve heard it a few hundred times at EagleBank Arena. 

11.) A.J. Wilson:

sportsajwilson

So, is your first name really just two letters? What do they stand for? Is it something bad like Andrew Jackson? He was a pretty shitty guy. But still, 8/10 not too amused by your name.

10.) Kameron Murrell:

sportskameronmarall

So blown because your last name is reminiscent of that Purell hand sanitizer. It rhymes. 10/10 would end up cheering for Murrell Purell at basketball games.

9.) Ian Boyd:

sportsianboyd

Not so much of the B sound. It’s a little reminiscent of Big Sean’s outburst, “Boi,” in every single one of his songs. Boi-yd bye.

8.) Justin Kier:

sportsjustinkier

Not a terrible first name, but the name Justin is very basic for a jock. It’s like your parents knew you would be an athlete or something.

7.) Troy Temara:

sportstretamara

Alliteration and some attractive vowel sounds going on here, not bad Troy. 

6.) Karmari Newman:

sportskamarinewman

That double ar-ar in your first name is literally just too fun to say. Also, it sounds pretty exotic. Boiiii where are you from?

 5.) Daniel Relvao:

sportsdanielrelvao

Foreign names are sexy and yours is solid AF. 10/10 would call you just by your last name, and 10/10 would still occasionally call, “Damn Daniel!”

4.) Marquise Moore:

sportsmarquisemoore

Again with the alliteration. Props to your momma for giving you such a sexy name. 

3.) DeAndre Abram:

sportsdeandreadam

Just YASS, the double capitalization in your first name is so ideal. Quality name. Can totally see you in the NBA with that name.

2.) Myles Tate:

sportsmylestate

Short, sweet, and to the point. Easy to scream, just the way a girl likes it.

1.) Jalen Jenkins:

sportsjaylenjenkins

The alliteration on Mason’s basketball team is on point. The catchy nature of the J sounds of your name can do wonders and drops you at the number one spot on the hot name list. That flow is just perfection. 

And there you have it, fellow Patriots, now you’re all set to be screaming the sexiest names all season long!

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